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Dear Candace
Dear Candace, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 118
Experience:  18 years in Christian counseling
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sex and the workplace

Customer Question

i work with this girl, we are and have been physically attracted but she’s hung up about working together. how can i get "in" given the circumstances? i need a strategy.
Submitted: 12 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Candace replied 12 years ago.
Dear Hokey,

There may be company standards that do not allow co-workers to date. I worked for a company that wouldn't allow people in the same department to date or be married. If a couple did date or get married, then one of them had to transfer to a different department. This is not too hard if you are working for a large company. If the company is small, then one of you may have to find a different job.

On the other hand, maybe this girl is not as attracted to you as you think. Maybe her hang up about being intimate with a co-worker is her way of avoiding saying no to your face. One way to find out is to have a frank discussion with her.

She may not want to have a "fling" disturb anything in the workplace, especially if it fizzles out and then you two are stuck working together. Find out if she is really interested in hooking up. When you find out where you stand, the rest should be easy. If both of you are serious about hooking up, then you can find a way to work around the 'working together' problem by one of you transferring to a different department or one of you getting a different job.

The ball's in your court, take your best shot.
Customer: replied 12 years ago.
literally the only hang up is that she and i work together. what persuasions can i use, she is just as attracted to me as i stated, she is avoiding the weirdness that comes along with having sex with a coworker.
Expert:  jfalcon504 replied 12 years ago.
It may suck, but tidalwave is right. If she's giving you excuses then you're more interested in her than she is in you. After all, is she paying $5 to ask a question about you?

Also, some girls just want some attention because they are insecure, and have no intention on taking it further than that.

Now, suck it up and be the man. If she has any slight interest in you whatsoever take advantage of it and make her jealous! That always gets women. Don't rub it in her face, but subtly let her know about the female attention you get elsewhere - just don't be obvious about it or you're gonna blow it.

If the jealousy doesn't pique her curiosity, then sorry dude she was blowing you off the best way she knows how. Remember, personality and attitude count for a lot with women.
Expert:  Beverly replied 12 years ago.


 If you listen to jfalcon504 (who must be a guy) she is out of your life forever!  Some men just have no clue.

Tell her  you would love to see her after hours and that when you are at work, It's work only, no funny stuff.

By letting her know you are keeping work and play separate she will respect you more and realize you are not just after one thing.

Explain you understand her feelings and that you would never put her in an awkward situation.

Kindness and honesty work. Roses and a picnic don't hurt either!

Expert:  jfalcon504 replied 12 years ago.
To Beverly:

Don't read into it what you want to see/believe. He never said that he wanted a long-term relationship with this girl. Maybe he does, but you don't know that for sure now do you?

Also, I am a guy, and I've talked to many of women regarding this from strippers to mama's good little girl. There are two types of women when it comes to sex - those who do it on the first date and those who will barely kiss you on the first date. Knowing which one the girl is, is very important.

Also, I never told him to not be honest with her. I never said to lie to the girl. But, if she has her reservations about him then having her a bit jealous is a great way to pique her interest. This is called human nature - feel free to come to terms with it.

And lastly, if this guy has more conversations about feelings and emotions with this girl than anything else, then she's looking for a friend and *maybe* a relationship, but not straight-up sex.
Expert:  Dear Candace replied 12 years ago.
If she's not a flirt and a tease, then Beverly's advice sounds good.

Have you done any of the things Beverly suggested? Like giving her roses or planning a romantic outing?

Have you tried asking her what it would take to get a date with her? That could be quite an interesting conversation.

If Beverly's advice doesn't work, then try jfalcon504's advice. If that doesn't work either, then maybe I was right in my first post, lol.

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