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The HOA cannot engage in selective enforcement of its rules. So, you can ask them to make sure all others comply, but if they don't your only resort is a lawsuit. The reverse is also true, you can rent it out and they can sue to get an order to stop you from renting at which time you can try to defend on the grounds of selective enforcement. Either way, however, you will be dealing with court costs and legal fees.
Unfortunately, if you do not have the money to endure a legal battle, you rights in this country are limited. The system is designed to preserve the status quo and protect the wealthy.
If the one person who is withholding consent is doing so unreasonably, then you may be able to require the court to read that into the HOA laws, but this is a long shot.
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If the bylaws of the association or the CC&Rs require a majority vote or 2/3rds vote instead of unanimous vote, then yes, you could try to get them amended. At that point, the rule regarding how many votes are needed to allow a person to rent could be changed to anything that the majority or 2/3rd of the members agree to.
If there is no restriction in allowing a friend or an extended family member to stay there, then there is not much they could do unless they can prove that you are renting. In other words the tenant will have to agree to pay you cash and he will have to make sure that he is in on the game. The problem is that you will not have any control over the tenant if you tell him what's going on. You will not be able to have a lease agreement in writing either. This is a risky route at best especially now that they know you were trying to rent it out. They could call the tenant or you to testify under oath about the relationship.
You need to get a hold of the existing bylaws and CC&Rs to see what they say about how to amend the bylaws and CC&Rs. That is the process that needs to be followed. Assuming that they do not require unanimous vote, then you can have a HOA meeting to have the members vote on the issue and see if they are agreeable to adopt a change.
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