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Hi,

   I do not know if you can help or not, but just thought I would give it a shot. My girlfreind is 17 years old and I am 19 years old. SHe is about 3 months pregnant and in desperate need of help. She cannot tell her parents because she knows that they would kill her... well her step dad anyway. She is trying to get out of the house before she has to tell them. My question to you is do you know a way that its possible? Do you think she could be emmancipated? Thanks for your help!

Submitted: 1785 days and 10 hours ago.
Category: Parenting
Value: $20
Status: AWAITING CUSTOMER ACTION
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Posted by nursehope 1785 days and 6 hours ago.

Answer

  Here is a website that can help you both.

http://www.focusas.com/Virginia.html

Nurse Hope

Posted by TheMysticWave 1785 days and 5 hours ago.

Answer

Greetings:

Yes, she can file a petition with the court for emancipation (§ 16.1-331)....otherwise, age of majority in Virginia is 18, or if she is still in high school, when she turns 19 or graduates, whichever is first.

Please see the sites below on Virginia laws regarding same:

State (regarding Petition for Emancipation)

State (regarding age of majority)

Bright Blessings.

Peace, Love & Happiness,

The Mystic Wave

 

Edited by TheMysticWave on 1/2/2005 at 5:19 PM

1785 days and 5 hours ago.

Reply

Reply to TheMysticWave's Post: Thank you for the help. The only problem we are having is her parents keep her on LOCK down. I cannot even see her so she has no way of goin and even filing for emancipation. And she is scared if she just ups a leaves or say I go get her she would get in serious trouble. Are there any other options?

Posted by nursehope 1785 days and 5 hours ago.

Answer

  The website that I gave you listed several crisis hotlines that she can call from school.  They will be able to help her.  She can get a legal aid attorney.

Posted by TheMysticWave 1785 days and 3 hours ago.

Info Request

Greetings:

Thank you for your response.

Can you answer the following questions for me, please, so that I can assist you further:

When will she turn 18?

Does she still attend school?

Does she have relatives nearby?

Is she in contact with her baby's father and/or his parents?

I look forward to hearing from you.

Bright Blessings.

Peace, Love & Happiness,

The Mystic Wave

1785 days and 2 hours ago.

Reply

I wanna first start off by saying I am the babys father. She is still currently attending school and she turns 18 Oct 22 of this year. And yes she is in contact with my parents. She has no close family living here, only in Arizona. She really has no one to go to except my family and I, and even then it is hard because her step father is VERY strict. I hope this info can help you out a little. if you need more feel free to ask. Thanks a lot. Warren

1785 days and 2 hours ago.

Reply

Reply to nursehope's Post: thanks for your help. Tho I really could not find anything on the site which will help her. SHe goes to a Christian private school which is very small and they will not let her make those type of phone calls without the parent being notified. But thank you again for trying to help.

God Bless
Warren

Posted by nursehope 1785 days and 2 hours ago.

Answer

  Sometimes we think parents are going to "flip out" hearing this kind of news but in reality many just deal with it.  Is there a counselor or nurse at the school that she can talk to re: her situation or a minister that knows the family?   Perhaps one of these individuals can help to talk to her family.  After all she is having their grandchild and there isn't anything they can really do about it.  It would be healthier to accept it and deal with it.  She needs prenatal care which is critical or there can be problems with the baby.  Keeping it a secret may infact be hurting her and the baby.

Posted by TheMysticWave 1785 days and 2 hours ago.

Answer

Greetings Warren:

Thank you for responding and providing the requested information.

There are some obstacles and challeges for her. I gather that she cannot get anyone at the school to assist her  - for that is what I was hoping for as to suggest that she can contact a counselor...thus, it may help for you or your parents to obtain the Petition form for her, have her complete it, sign it and for you and/or your parents to file same with the court. A court date will then be scheduled. 

As I am not encouraging her to go against her parents (step-father), by going forward with the court process, she still has legal rights. If she is scared of the repercussions directed at her by her step father, I would suggest getting your parents involved, if at all possible. You may wish to suggest to them that they contact her step father and talk to him - let him see the support she has in this matter - as well as the love and support she has from you.

If the above is not possible, I would then suggest she contact a shelter for pregnant women - below you will find the link for same - for the State of Virginia:

Lifecall:

Or,

Barrett Transitional Home

Barrett Haven Inc. is a non-profit organization that runs Barrett Transitional Home. Barrett Transitional home is a "24/7" facility designed to break the cycle of homelessness for single and single pregnant women and their infants.

Barrett Haven, Inc.
http://groups.hamptonroads.com/BTH/
PO Box 275
Norfolk, Virginia XXXXX-XXXX
Phone XXX-XXX-XXXX
Fax XXX-XXX-XXXX
barretthaveninc@aol.com
http://groups.hamptonroads.com/BTH/

Virginia Homeless Service Organizations

The above facility (Barrett Haven) may not be best suited for her, however, they will be able to refer her to the appropriate organization.

I strongly suggest that your parents get involved as well as for you, and approach her mother and/or step father to let them know that you are backing her 100%. Again, if this is not possible, then please contact the shelters or obtain the Petition form and have her complete it, sign it and file it with the court. Fees can be waived.

Please let me know if you need additional information.

Bright Blessings.

Peace, Love & Happiness,

The Mystic Wave

1785 days and 1 hours ago.

Reply

Reply to nursehope's Post: There really is no one at the school which can help her without them telling her parents. Her Step Father suffers froma disease called Rage, which he got from some form of shot the military gave him before he went to war. He is angered very easily and he already verbally and sometimes physically abuses her, so something like this would just push him over the edge. This is why we are so hesitant to tell them because they are not going to accept that because they dont even accept me and dont want her to have anything to do with me. Which they have no reason not to like me, but they are just weird like that. Very protective over her and force her to do their religious teachings called Branhamism. SO I am looking for options to get her out of there and then letting them know as soon as she is out and safe and wont have to return.

Posted by nursehope 1785 days and 1 hours ago.

Answer

  If she is being physically abused then she can report this to local child protective services who can assist her in moving out on her own.  It is against the law to abuse one's child.  If she contacts them or you file a report they will often visit with the child at the school if it is too dangerous to see her at home.

1785 days and 1 hours ago.

Reply

Reply to TheMysticWave's Post: Oh beleive me, my parents and I are both very involved with her. Atleast as much as we are allowed to be. Recently for some reason her parents had a mood shift and have come to the conclusion my family is "crazy" and her mom said to her that she has sheltered her all her life and doesnt intend to stop now so they will not allow her to come over or anything anymore. Luckly I have her one of my cell phones or eles I probably wouldnt have a way to talk to her. My parents to are looking for ways to get her out and I am just helping them to see what all I can find. The biggest thing is that we wanna know is if she files for a Emancipation will she get it. We dont want her to file and then nothing happen because that will just angry them more. We are trying to see the guidelines that go for emancipation to. Another thing we are looking at is if anything would happen to me legally as well,since she is 17 and I am 19. Thank you for all the advice its really helping me a lot! I couldnt do it without yoU!

Accepted Answer

Greetings:

Thank you again for responding and providing more information. Thank you for your kind words - It is my hope to assist you.

In all likelihood, the judge would grant the emancipation should she file the Petition. She has more than a couple of positive things going for her now in this respect.

1). Her step father has been physically abusive;

2) Her mother/step father are forcing their religious teachings upon her.

3) Her parents' behavior may be looked upon as a form of imprisonment by not allowing her a certain form of freedom.

She can advise the judge that she is scared of them and for her safety.

As far as age of sexual consent is concerned, to my knowledge and belief, in the State of Virginia, the laws dictate that it is 15/16 - see below for legal reference. Thus, it would appear that you would not get into trouble. I strongly suggest, however, that you contact the Legal Aid office in your State or the local courthouse to confirm this as I am not privy to certain law books governing your State.

The age of sexual consent may be lower at 16 as long as it does not involve force?

STATE AGE OF SEXUAL CONSENT LAWS

Also, please be advised of the following:

The minimum age for marriage in the State of Virginia is sixteen years for both bride and groom; however, if either party is under eighteen, consent to the marriage must be given by the father, mother, or legal guardian.

  • This may be done personally by the parent or legal guardian before the person issuing the license, or by a written consent properly sworn to before a notary public.

  • Special provisions are made in Virginia law to allow marriage for underage parties when the female is pregnant and for situations in which underage applicants have no parent or legal guardian.

Legal Age Consent - Teen Marrige License Laws

If you wish to marry, you may be able to obtain consent by your parents...again, you will need to check into this by contacting Legal Aid or the local courthouse.

I do hope that you will be able to help her and it's wonderful that she has you in her life, as well as your parents.

If you need further information, please do not hesitate to let me know.

Please take care.

Bright Blessings.

Peace, Love & Happiness,

The Mystic Wave

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Expert: TheMysticWave
Pos. Feedback: 100.0 %
Accepts: 
Answered: 1/2/2005

Parent

Single parent, with profession, raises model son with ease & pleasure. I offer sound advice.

1784 days and 22 hours ago.

Reply

Reply to TheMysticWave's Post: Just want to thank you once again for all your help. You are a great person and I only wish I could have givin you more! THANKS SO MUCH!

Posted by TheMysticWave 1784 days and 10 hours ago.

Info Request

Greetings Warren:

Bright Blessings to you, thank you so very much for accepting my response and for your very kind words, it's deeply appreciated. You are most welcome and please do not give it a second thought concerning additional monies - you have been more than generous. You are a great person as well, and your girlfriend is very blessed to have you and your parents in her life.

Should you need any further help concerning this matter, please do not hesitate to let me know. I am keeping good thoughts for you both, as well as for your family - hoping that all will work out to your satisfaction.

Please take care.

Wishing you all a very Happy New Year!

Bright Blessings.

Peace, Love & Happiness,

The Mystic Wave

Posted by Mic Sayre 1783 days and 22 hours ago.

Answer

Dear Warren,

I realize that you have already accepted an answer, but I thought that I would suggest a few other thoughts for free.

In all your postings, you never do mention anything about your girlfriend's biological father.  Is he still alive?  Does he have any contact with her whatsoever?  If he does, perhaps you can turn to him for help in this matter.  He is a parent, and therefore, does have some say in his daughter's life (unless he's dead or a deadbeat).

What about your girlfriend's grandparents (preferably on the mother's side, but maybe the stepfather's parents are reasonable)?  What about aunts or uncles that your girlfriend is close to or live nearby?  Maybe they can intercede on her behalf or perhaps play the part of witnesses when your girlfriend tells her parents that she is pregnant (This fact can't be avoided forever, unfortunately.) and can make sure she isn't abused (maybe even arrange for her to spend the night with him/her so that the parents have a night to think about what has been said and cool down some).

Another long shot would be to talk to her parents spiritual advisor (if they have one).  A professional mediator might also be a way to go somewhere down the line if all of you can't come to an agreement about certain issues.

I hope that helps.  It's just a different perspective.

Mic Sayre

P.S.  Please make sure that when you do get your girlfriend out of her parents' clutches that you do it legally so that you don't set your parents or you up for a lawsuit of some sort or problems down the road.

1783 days and 12 hours ago.

Reply

Reply to Mic Sayre's Post: Yes she does have contact with her real father. The only problem is that he lives in Arizona where as we live in Virginia. Actually, none of her family lives out here, they all live out west. The only family she does have here is her mom, brother, and step father. She plans on telling her dad, but she is not sure how well he will take it either. He works for a womens health clinic for the government in Arizona and specializes in abortion and all that stuff, so she fears he will just push for her to get one. THank you for the advice, it is very much appreciated because we definately need all that we can get.

Warren

Posted by Vickie 1783 days and 11 hours ago.

Answer

Dear balla,
Do you realize also that her biological father (I believe), can also give written consent for her to get married? That may be another option also since she plans on telling him anyway. And, if he is involved with an abortion clinic, then surely he can appreciate her wanting to keep and raise her baby. He may also be more than willing to help in the situation. At this point the more people you can get on your side the better. I don't believe she will have any problems what so ever getting the emancipation, It just might be quicker if he could fax or mail her his concent to be married - then she has no worries!
Good Luck to you both!

Posted by Mic Sayre 1783 days and 9 hours ago.

Answer

Dear Warren,

I'd like to point out to you that just because the girl's biological father works in an abortion clinic, it doesn't necessarily mean that he's going to push that option onto his daughter.  Sometimes it's a whole different ball game when it involves your own children--not to mention, I'm sure that they have counselors at that clinic that sometimes counsel girls to give their babies up for adoption instead.  [It doesn't really matter which way he reacts though (either acceptance, pushing for abortion, or suggesting adoption) because, ultimately, the final decision rests on the parents-to-be's shoulders--you and your girlfriend.)

I think that instead of dealing with maybes, it would be better to start actually talking to these parents and getting their reactions.  From what you posted earlier, I would start with the biological father because his reaction seems to be the more milder one compared to the possible reactions of the stepfather.  I would also have the daughter talk to the father about these past abuses her stepfather has done to her.  Does he even know about this?  If he did, he might want to go to court and push for custody himself.  That might be an option as well if the emancipation plans aren't working out for you.

At this point, even being sent to her father's seems like a better option than staying with her mother and stepfather.  I know that then you have the added problem of distance being added to your relationship, but, you know, you can always move out to where she is.  Nothing is impossible if you keep all of your options open.

Good luck.  My prayers are with you.

Mic Sayre

Posted by TheMysticWave 1783 days and 8 hours ago.

Info Request

Greetings:

In my first response I did ask if your girlfriend had any relatives living close by - you indicated that they were out of State. Being that she is basically restricted, I did not see any reason to delve further, especially when the matter can be handled legally. Of course it would be wonderful, but I don't believe that your girlfriend's biological father is going to be instrumental in helping your girlfriend - as I believe all will backfire on her should she consult with him at this time, creating additional problems. However, if by chance your girlfriend is very close to her biological father, that they have a very solid relationship, I would suggest that you have your parents contact him first and explain the situation - but that is something for you to discuss with your girlfriend - see how she feels about same.

As I offered you appropriate legal information in my earlier responses, the court system will fully help resolve this matter. In the State of Virginia, she and other citizens have rights. The names and telephone numbers of shelters that I provided will also be of service to her. Being that she was abused, she has stronger grounds for filing the Petition for emancipation.

As long as you do not go against the law (note that I set forth certain laws in the State of Virginia in my previous responses), there should not be a problem. Again, you can contact Legal Aid to assist you - as well, you can call the local courthouse for further information. 

My best to you, your girlfriend and your parents.

Bright Blessings.

Peace, Love & Happiness,

The Mystic Wave

 

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