Dear XXXXXXX,

There might be a real reason for why your son's behavior has changed so drastically and so quickly.  It could be something as simple as a chemical imbalance in the body or something more complicated as abuse. 

You do not say whether you are the sole childcare provider for your son or whether you place him in daycare or with a nanny/sitter while you go to work or not.  If you rely on the latter, then there is a good chance that you're child is being abused, especially if you've just put him in daycare for the first time or introduced him to a new nanny or sitter. 

If he's in daycare, then the culprit could either be an employee or another child who is secretly bullying your son and teaching him these new horrible behaviors.  To help you decide which it is, I would plan on either conducting several "surprise" trips to the center (If this is frowned upon, that's an immediate red flag to you as a parent that things aren't kosher at this place!) or maybe volunteer for several hours a week so that you can observe first hand the interaction between the students and the teachers.  You might actually see something the teachers aren't seeing.

If he has a new nanny/sitter, again, consider springing several "surprise" visits upon them at home or consider investing in or renting video equipment that you can install in a well-used section of your home, so that you can see what is really going on when you're not there.  If abuse is occurring, then you'll have the proof you need to not only fire the nanny/sitter, but also to go to the police and press charges against him/her.

If you alone are the only childcare provider of your son, then you might want to think back to when the change of behavior first occurred.  Were any relatives or friends of the family visiting at that time?  If you're child's change in behavior coincides with that visit, then you need to really consider the idea that your son has been physically or sexually abused.  Your son already displays two signs of these type of abuses--radical change in behavior and personality and the desire to no longer be touched.

If you think abuse might be a possibility, then take your son in to see his pediatrician.  Voice your concerns to him, and also have him/her rule out the possibility that your child's change in behavior is not caused by some yet unknown physical ailment.  Once that has been addressed, you might ask for some suggestions of a good counselor/psychologist/psychiatrist.

If you've ruled out abuse and physical causes, then it might be a simple problem of changing a child's behavior (There are many excellent child behaviorists out there.)

If it is behavior, my suggestion to you is to tell your son that hitting is not acceptable in your household, and that if he continues to do it, then he will placed in timeout (preferably in his room for 1 min. X each year of age, in his case, two minutes.)  Using a timer, gives the child a concrete idea of how long his "time" to be served actually is. 

If he doesn't want to go to his room, then pick him up and carry him there.  I wouldn't shut the door, but you can block the door to prevent him from leaving and not fulfilling his time.

I would really rely very heavily on positive reinforcement whenever possible when he is behaving well.  Tell him how well he's doing, and about how well you like spending time with him.

I would strongly advise against spanking.  It's been my experience that all spanking serves to do is reinforce the negative behavior by making it seem more acceptable in the child's eyes.  After all, hitting other people cannot be that bad if Mommy and Daddy can get away with doing it with me.

Anyway, I hope that helps you in some way.  Good luck!

Mic Sayre