Question

I have been in an intimate relationship for 9 months or so, kissing orally and touching intimately a woman whom I was unaware has been seeing someone for 5 years for sex. During which time this person she is seeing has both been living with a partner (claims to be only fond of her and not having sex) and has had affairs with other women, supposedly prior to his illicit affair with the woman I have been seeing.

The problem now is that l have recently in the last couple of weeks made love with her after which she has contracted Herpes. I am obviously going for checks even though I have nothing visible or any signs of discomfort either on my genitals or my mouth, I did however have a cold sore at the time. And also she had a problem with thrush (I believe) around 6 weeks before when I was not in an active physical relationship with her, only this other person whom she had regularly been seeing.

I am very annoyed that she has put me at risk of an STD infection, resulting from her unsafe sex with someone else and in all truth not certain whether he could have caused the problem here or me. I was apparently the last one to have a physical relationship with her, and she insists he was last with her about two weeks before !!

While I have not had a physical relationship (ie penatrative sex) with anyone for two years and have not ever had Herpes myself, nor to my knowledge been with any woman who has had Herpes or has even contracted it from me, so I puzzle over how this has come about.

Can you offer any words of comfort or advice in this sad situation, I am being pushed away from the woman I care for since she feels infected and dirty as a result of what she believes I have caused her, and not the other person with whom she has had regular unsafe sex with.

And as I say a checkup will be important for me to find out if I have any trace of the Herpes virus, but I also feel that the other person should be checked and his partner and of course any women he has had contact with recently...

What are your views ??