Hi Tamara,
Thanks for your response. This is a new relationship, we've been together nearly 4 months, been intimate for 2 1/2. This is personal, but I really want to sort it out as I am becoming more emotionally involved with this man. Basically, I have never been able to achieve orgasm through intercourse alone and in the past have had to "help myself along" with previous boyfriends. In this new relationship, he is very much focused on intercourse and there is practically no foreplay. I have explained that I need more than penetration and have even reached the point where I have helped myself (making sure that he's ok with it first) - he said he was, but often pushes my hand away from myself (hope I'm not being too direct here!). I have climaxed once since we started having sex 2 1/2 months ago (and that event was only 2 nights ago)... I have asked him to slow down, have suggested different positions and if he asks would I like him to do X or Y I've said Yes..but then he doesn't do it. Certain positions for me enable me to be pleasured more easily but for him they result in him finishing quite quickly, and then that's it! I am becoming increasingly frustrated, upset and even resentful and I feel if I don't get this sorted, it will end the relationship. I want to be more direct with him and say that it's not working for me and I need more attention, as most of his efforts seem to go into his own pleasure, but at the same time want to be diplomatic and not be hurtful or make him feel "diminished"in any way.
Thanks for your reply Tamara. Just one more thing if that's ok.... I get the feeling he doesn't particularly like touching me intimately and I even worked up the courage to ask him if this were the case. He said he did like it but didn't sound convincing, and doesn't do it often or for very long - I wouldn't want him doing something he doesn't like, but I certainly do like it... I get the impression he may feel that because I am more stimulated this way than through penetration, he is somehow lacking... how might I address this with him again without sounding like I'm trying to educate him! ?
Thanks!
Counselor & Psychotherapist
20+ yrs Private Practice; Cert. Master Therapist; National Board Certified; APA Board Certified