There is a great deal of evidence to show that using condoms will stop the spread of HIV between two people. Of course, technique in applying/removing, and ensuring correct use during intercourse may have an effect. As long as you are using condoms made to government standard then the World Health Organization states that the single most effective way to reduce HIV transmission is by wearing a condom. If you are getting 'leakage' then you may not be wearing the condom fully along the length of the shaft of the penis.
In terms of whether the partner that gave you HPV is likely to have HIV, that depends on whether she engages in high risk activity such as intravenous drug use, or has had intercourse with high risk users. Studies have shown that HIV infected women often have HPV but that does not mean that all HPV women will have HIV.
Having follicle inflammation and irritation is common, the only way to confirm that there is no active HPV infection or other condition such as staph infection would be to have some skin samples or scrapings examined.
HIV is considered to be a transmitted by body fluids, especially blood and semen. Saliva and sweat are much much less likely to cause infection. Skin debris from the warts would be less likely to carry HIV in a transmissible form.
Also your skin would have to be broken or open for any body fluid to come in contact, a specific bleeding cut is more likely to allow transmission that a superficial abrasion or inflamed area. Although studies have not looked at this individual method of transmission in detail.
I do think that you are over-analyising this issue. You do need to practice safe sex, and I would urge you to discuss your fears with your partner. If this is a regular partner then she may undertake HIV testing to put you both at piece of mind, however if you have multiple or casual partners then do be aware that this does statistically increase your risk. However normal kissing or skin to skin contact is not a high risk transmission route for HIV.
Pharmacist
MRPharmS. Worked as Community pharmacist for 16 years. Undertaking a second degree in medicine.