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Question

I am trying to help my husband so I can stay married to him. I am unsure if he has depression or what. Oprah had a show on Hording that desribed him and his mother very well. Perfectionists with depression. He can not complete things, make decisions or throw anything a way. Everything bothers him. If I make dinner for him. I didn't cook it right or used the wrong pot. I always get the list of the different ways of doing things. He has excuses for why he can't do things, hang a picture, help me with something. He is too tired to do it. He has emotional responses to every day events that make it hard for him to deal with it. He looses his job about every 5 years in his life. His mother is like this too and has had post partem and other depression issues. His father died when he was 12 which is another issue. He did go and see a couselor and then we had the couseling but he can't follow or change and doesn't want to go. He is also a shopaholic. He carries debt.

Submitted: 27 days and 7 hours ago.
Category: Mental Health
Value: $22
Status: CLOSED
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Optional Information

Gender: Female
Age: 42

Posted by Anna 27 days and 7 hours ago.

Answer


Hi XXXXXXXXXX,

He is suffering from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, which is a very treatable disease. If there is any way you can get him to a doctor to obtain medication for this, he would improve within days of taking it. I would do what ever it took to get him there - especially if you're thinking of ending the relationship. This disease can devastate families with sheer desperation and battle fatigue. Read the link above on the problem and then the two links below on how you can restore your sanity. :) You need validation and support for what you've gone through in this, and can get it in person or online through blogs and support sites. You can also help others by telling your story.

OCD family resources

support groups

If he refuses help, then you have to draw the line for yourself and what you'll live with. That is a very individual decision to make, but just remember that help is available to him if he wants it. He does not have to let his disease ruin his relationships.

Good luck to you, and I wish you well on your journey.

Anna

24 days and 9 hours ago.

Reply

Anna,

 

Thank you. Is the hording disease part of the OCD? He fits the hording disease exactly. Should I take him to a family doctor first or try to find a psychiatrist or what? I did find an OCD support group which I will still need to contact. I was thinking of going my self first to get a little more insight before confronting him. And yes, I am at the point of drawing a line. I don't want to but I am going crazy being with someone that is not a team player and detached. A year and a half of marriage counseling has not worked.

Accepted Answer

Hi XXXXXXXXXX,

Yes, hording is part of OCD. His best bet is to go to a psychiatrist, but if he won't do that, you can call your doctor and find out if he's comfortable treating OCD. Many are fine with it.

You can go to the group first - I think it's an excellent idea. You have a lot to recover from whether he gets help or not. You can only counsel over a medical problem for a short while because in the end, the medical problem will override the counseling effort. It sounds like you found that out.

Get your ducks in a row and yourself on firm ground, then deal with him and the marriage.

Thanks for letting me help you out. If you would, please fill out the feedback form after accepting.

Anna

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Expert: Anna
Pos. Feedback: 99.3 %
Accepts: 
Answered: 10/29/2009

Licensed Clinical Social Worker

28 years in the addictions and mental health field helping people feel better.

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