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Dear Doctor,
My son will be 5 in November. Where he used to be very sweet and gentle and open, he now is negative and uses a "schoolyard" teasing tone of voice with almost everyone. This is unacceptable, especially when coupled with the facial expressions. I have spoken and tried to use a teaching method to explain why the tone and negativity are not nice qualities. When he is reprimanded for these he has taken to being verbally defiant shouting "NO and LEAVE ME ALONE" and then running to hide. He has even begun to say "I don't care". I teach 13 year olds, and I am used to this behavior in them - but from my previously gentle and open-hearted son, I am concerend. He did have a bullying situationearly in the year where an older child (5 to his 4) bullied him, but with teaching, school, and parent intervention, this stopped. I think my son has adopted some of these behaviors in order to cope/be accepted/feel more powerful. How can I help him?
Submitted: 63 days and 4 hours ago.
Category: Mental Health
Value: $22
Status: AWAITING CUSTOMER ACTION
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Optional Information
Gender: Male
Age: 4.10
Already Tried:
Teaching through books, videos, conversation, examples. Stern reprimands when that didn't work. Behavior is not extinguishing.
Posted by
Nancy
63 days and 4 hours ago.
Info Request
<p>Hi,</p><p> </p><p>From the standpoint of child development, this is natural at this age for him to become more independent and a little defiant. Kids at this age go through another bout of individuation when they separate from Mom.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
Keep doing what you are doing - reminding him how to speak to you - and **especially** reward him for speaking to you in a normal tone.
Kids imitate negative experiences to see what it feels like - to empower themselves. He is working it out and just needs your guidance as to how far he can go - so again - keep reminding him how to speak to you and he will work it out.
Nancy
Edited by Nancy on 9/20/2009 at 1:49 AM
63 days and 4 hours ago.
Reply
So, what I am seeing is normal, and keep doing and reinforcing the positive? Nothing amiss here?
Posted by
Nancy
63 days and 4 hours ago.
Info Request
<p>Sorry - this posted before I had finished - but I did go back and finish my response.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
63 days and 4 hours ago.
Reply
Thank you. Sometimes as a single Mom, I just need the reassurance that I am handling the situation correctly.
Posted by
Nancy
63 days and 4 hours ago.
Info Request
<p>I think you are... just be sure to remind him matter-of-factly how to behave. Remember too that the mroe credence you give a behavior the more likely you are to see it again. So don't make a huge deal when he's not talking nicely - just remind him, and then DO make a big deal when he does the right thing.</p><p> </p><p>Nancy</p>
63 days and 4 hours ago.
Reply
Ok. Thank you!
Posted by
Nancy
63 days and 4 hours ago.
Info Request
<p>You are very welcome. Oh -- and one more thing. He may see this behavior at school or with other kids too.... when you see it together - point it out so he knows what it looks like. That's always a good strategy for kids!</p><p> </p><p>Nancy</p>
63 days and 4 hours ago.
Reply
I will definitely do that. Thanks again.
Posted by
Nancy
63 days and 4 hours ago.
Info Request
You are welcome!
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