Accepted Answer

Hi and welcome

It sounds like your daughter is demanding she be allowed to live with no rules. It sounds like she is caught up emotionally with a guy who is giving her all the attention she wants, and telling her it's okay to behave this way. Yes, bad choice of boyfriend but there is nothing you can do about that unless you want her to totally be estranged.
I wish there was a cut and dry answer for you but there isn't. What her behavior is saying is that she isn't in your world, she is demanding her independence. I would suggest you call a truce with her. Ask her for a sit down meeting where she is allowed to speak without any interruption from you and your husband.Give her a time limit, say 10 minutes. Let her tell you what she "feels". Then, you say thank you. Then do the entire thing again with you and your husband expressing your thoughts...using "I feel" statements, not I think statements (they put a person right on the defensive). Don't refute anything she may have said that angers you. Save that. Right now you are in a stand off with her.
Getting her back to therapy and on medication has to be her idea. If you allow her to say what she needs to say, validate that you hear her she may realize that she is in control of her own life. It's painful to watch as a parent however if she feels you are pushing her she will retreat even further. Unless she is a danger to herself or others you cannot force her to get help. You don't have to agree with her decisions but you do need to allow her to express herself and learn from this experience herself. You and your husband should get into therapy yourselves to help you manage this situation.
I hope this is helpful.
Dr. Keane

Expert:	Dr.Keane
Pos. Feedback:	100.0 %
Accepts:
Answered:	5/26/2009

Psychologist

Clinical Psychology PHD, Licensed Professional Counselor, Marriage/Family, Teens, Child Psychology,