Hi wildflowers,
The first thing you need to do is read the book, "Protecting your children from Sexual Predators" by Dr. Leigh Baker. Here is a link to it on amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Protecting-Your-Children-Sexual-Predators/dp/0312272154
You will see how child sexual predators operate and you will be given signs to look for.
The first thing you want to look for is any inappopriate sexual behavior from your son (that he is touching hismelf). If he acts sexual toward another child or toward his toys. If he talks about secrets (Shhhh, Daddy), has nightmares, or regresses in behavior - for instance - did he used to be diaper free, but now wets the bed, or did he used to talk well and cannot talk at all anymore.
How does he act toward his father? Molested children are often clingy toward the person who molests them
What about this man? Is he into pornography? Does he have odd sexual preferences? Such as flat chested women as opposed to busty women (a classic sign a man likes children), was he molested as a child? Is the friendly guy to all the kids? Does he work with kids? Does he coach something? Does he have a young, "special friend" who is underage?
Not one of these things tell us if someone is being molested or molests - but the big picture does.
Remember that if this is happening, it is something the guy is TRYING to hide and goes to lengths to hide it.
Finally, I do play therapy. It is difficult but not impossible to see if a child is being molested- they will act out some form of it, eventually. Keep in mind that is the biggest factor - if they act it out. Kids who have not been molested DO NOT act out being molested.
Nancy
Psychotherapist
ABD for a PhD in Psychology, Psychotherapist for over 20 years
Hi,
If this is not a new concept around this man, then I would call social services and report it ASAP. If you suspect sexual abuse and don't report it, if it comes out, they can charge you too - for not reporting it (child endangerment and child neglect).
If you report it and nothing comes of it, then at least you can't be charged.
By reporting it, they will open an investigation and you can request a protection from his - so your son doesn't need to go near him until the investigation is complete.
This is the proof: "I.E. Nightmares, Playing with himself till hard and continuing playing with self, telling everyone sshh...DADDY" and "I know there was a case at one time where they were supposidly checking into the sexual abuse of a 5 &1/2 month old little girl but I don't know why things stopped. Now I have seen anothers infant girl and nightmares are gooing again."
But if you want advise -- read the book I told you to read, bring your son to the child psychologist, and DOCUMENT everything.
My personal inclination would be to call, but I do realize that youhave to have a case... so do whatever you can to limit his exposure to the child, document everything you've seen, heard, know or think -- get your son in therapy with someone who can testify to the possibility of him being abused, and perhaps call your county and talk to them about what is best - tell them you don't want to blow a case by reacting too quickly - work with them to protect your son.
The Child Protective team will help you... just be honest about what's happening.
Thank you, you too.
I wish you good luck - feel free to email back anytime.