Accepted Answer

Hello Heidi,

Although it's not something a mom wants to hear and I understand how frightening and shocking this behavior can be, I have to start off by saying that you can get through this, but you do have to try and get to the bottom of it. What he's doing is not behavior he 'figured out' on his own, this is learned behavior. My first suggestion would be to sit him down, or take him for a ride for some ice cream or something non-threatening, and question him about whether someone has done this to him (just you and him). Sadly enough, if someone has touched him or abused him in someway, studies have shown that it's more than likely someone you know or someone you are close to. He is the best person to be able to tell you where this behavior came from, although he may not want to, and may not tell you. Don't question him aggressively, or in an angry way, be very friendly and almost playful with him. Let him know it's just you and him, and he can tell you anything and you won't get angry at him, and that whatever has happened you will still love him and care for him and protect him.

I want to say that it's possible this is something he could have seen on a pornographic video, it could be something he experienced with other children when spending the night out, or something an adult has done to him that he is now acting out. This isn't children playing doctor or just being curious, the sucking itself shows that it's not something natural that he would have normally thought to do on his own, as well as the sodomy reenactment.

Whether he tells you anything useful or not, I suggest that he enters therapy. You can talk to your family physician and see if they can recommend a child therapist. This is not likely a behavior that he will stop on his own, and if its not resolved, he can and will cause damage to other children. You could be opening yourself to criminal charges being brought against him, and him developing a reputation and possibly a criminal record at some point for this sexual behavior.

With work, a good therapist could get to the bottom of why he's doing this and help him to understand that it's not right for children and perhaps help him develop coping skills to avoid repeating the behavior.

Again, I understand how upsetting this is, but I must emphasize how important it is for you to get to the bottom of this. If someone if molesting him, it's important that you find out who it is, and if he's picking it up from somewhere else, you need to know that as well. I welcome your thoughts, and I'm here if you want to talk more.

Chase

Expert:	Ms Chase
Pos. Feedback:	100.0 %
Accepts:
Answered:	1/10/2009

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