I deal with suicidal thoughts and depression and cutting, and

Hi there,

Well, thanks for the additional history.

Since , you have stopped taking wellbutrin and lexapro after consulting your psychiatrist, then i think you can keep off the medications , but in order to alleviate symptoms like suicidal odeation, pessimistic thoughts , low mood , you can seek PSYCHOTHERAPY ( counseling in lay terms), which is offered by a trained Psychotherapist. The main aim of psychotherapy is to provide Education, reassurance, encouragement and behavioural modification in order to alleviate depressive symtoms and for better adaptation to the circumstances and surroundings .

Psychotherapy is a good alternative to medications in depression, and since you have had fair share of antidepressants and now you are on recovery phase , Psychotherapy just suits you fine.

There are types of Psychotherapy which may be given in depressive disorder such as Cognitive therapy, interpersonal psychotherapy, supportive psychotherapy , dynamic psychotherapy, but i propose Cognitive therapy is the most effective out of the lot.

Also , the fact that you concede of having symptoms such as fearfulness, feeling of impending doom, etc in episodic format, this is suggestive of Panic attack , but you may not worry as this is quite a common finding seen in depressive disorder and , also Cognitive therapy that i have mentioned for depression , is a good treatment for Panic attack also.

So, i suggest that you look for a PSYCHOTHERAPIST who gives Cognitive therapy , once you are started on this , you not only will improve but will also be able to do well without medications.

I hope my answer serves your question according to your satisfaction.

Wish you good health.

Regards...