How JustAnswer Works:
  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.
Ask Reani Your Own Question
Reani, Cat Care Expert
Category: Cat
Satisfied Customers: 1762
Experience:  20+ years experience with Cat Care and behavior problems, 3 years Pet Rescue
Type Your Cat Question Here...
Reani is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I have two cats that hate each other. I love them both and

Customer Question

I have two cats that hate each other. I love them both and want to know how to get the to become friends. I cannot alllow them to be in the same room. The female has claws. The male doesnot. He is the aggressor. The female is terrified of him. HELP PLEASE
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Cat
Expert:  Terri replied 7 years ago.



I know this is very upsetting to you because hese are your babies.

Dont worry a bit about hissing - it is completely normal.

It is absolutely normal for your resident cat to vehemently object to any newcomers. All her hissing means is:" Hey, who are you? You smell different!! I don't recognize your scent and I am head cat around here - so watch it!!!"AND the newbie will know that and expect it.

This is the way cats act when they are first introduced.They have a specific language the use to communicate with each other.


You do not need a behaviorist for cats. They are really quite easy to understand.

They do not rationalize, nor are they capable of in depth thought or reasoning.

Everything they do is basic, logical (to them) and makes perfect sense.

In a cat heirarchy a strong kitty will always try to take over and assume the head cat position. In addition, that is always subject to changes if cat one senses weakness in cat two. One is always the Bully and the other is the victim.

Cats DO work things out in their own way and they could care less what humans (or behaviorists) think. They only respond to the energy of another animal be it feline, canine or human. Punishment is useless and counerproductive because they simply do not understand being hurt - they would just try to avoid the hurter in the future but it would not teach them anything.(except fear)

Cats do not follow a pack leader the way dogs do but they do sense their human moms energy and respond accordingly - so if you are nervous, they will be nervous. If you are stressed, they are stressed as well.

Since they have been together a while there is no getting to know you phase. They already know what to expect from each other.


However, females can be little witches. That is where they got the term catty and why it is almost never used to apply to a male.

Cats do not recognize others by sight, they depend more on scent, so if some tumil is going on in or oudoors, they can sometimes take it out on each other and begin hissing and spitting.Something spooked bully so she is taking it out on victim

I know this sounds simple - because it is - just be a calm, assertive, loving energy in their lives. When they are at home , they will look to you to judge whether the environment is safe. If you sit there with a calm attitude - it will calm them. If they sense that you are upset, they will think there is something to fear so just be as nonchalant as possible and CALM.


I would not confine either cat because they will want to get past any closed doors - cats are like that and they will be overwhelmed with curiosity as to what lurks on the other side.Plus they would be stressed by confinement (which cats HATE). . However,victim must always have a safe spot to retreat to if bully scares her.If she prefers to stay in a room - that's fine - she may have made it HER territory.

If bully starts at victim - just say SHUSH and her very lightly on the head. That lets her know (in a cat way) that the behavior is unacceptable and she will understand that feline method of correction and not be hurt, upset or insulted.

The problem is that victim is not defending herself against bully who is probably head cat. This is causing her to disrespect and bully her. THe way you can help is to become victims defense. A cat will only learn from someone stronger that her who is calm, assertive and puts him in his place. As soon as he shows any sign of going after her , grab her by her scruff and say NO! like HISS then gently but firmly tap his nose. You must do this every single time you see it.


Just imagine how stressed you become when they fight - well they can feel your anxiety and it makes them nervous.

Actually if you ever watched cats in the cat room of a shelter you would see similar behavior but they eventually do work things out in an amicable fashion .Because they have to!



Do not yell, spray water or act upset, Just immediately calmly and firmly correct her . This will teach her that her aggression will not be tolerated the way another cat would treat her - except the NO! would be a hiss and the tap would be with a paw. When victim sees bully being stopped she wil gain confidence and begin to defend herself. That will learn bullys respect and she will leave her alone.

Get a feliway plug in and rescue remedy at a pet supply to safely keep them calm.


Please let me know how things are going I will always be here for you.

Remember to stay calm at all times and I hope the cats will be fine.


Sincerest best wishes,


Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Hi, I have tried to respond to your answer all day, but without success. Thank you8 so much for the answers, but you have not given me any answers that I have not already tried. My cat is aggressive to everyone who comes into my house. He bites and hisses and even lunges at my grandchildren. He now is doing the same with the little female cat. He is very loving and gentle with me.
The two cats have been together for four months now, and I have never hit one of them. I don't believe in that, and I know better than that. The female starts to growl even if the male is just sitting doing nothing. That is when he attacks. I don't blame her because he has hurt her. She has clawed him in both eyes because she has claws.I would really appreciate further answers or research regarding my dilemma. I just love my cats so much. You are right, they are my babies. I feel bad that people hate my cat that I rasied and bottle fed when he was abandoned as a tiny newborn. He was about the size of a mouse. I can't give him up, and I don't think anyone would take him because he hisses, attacks, and bites. I will not declaw the little female as she is four years old. I could never declaw a cat again because it was a painful ordeal. I bring this up because some people think that declawing the other would be an answer to my problem. Please help me and my
kitties. There must be some way to end this cat war. Mary Lynne
Expert:  Terri replied 7 years ago.

Hi Mary Lynne,


I am discussing this case with other experts and will pot some new ideas soon.



Expert:  Reani replied 7 years ago.

Good Morning Marylynne,


Terri has given you some excellent advise that I myself have used on my girls. It took about 7 months for my newest to settle in and even now they still have tiffs. The advise that worked best for me was the tapping on the forehead saying shhh... This works amazingly well. Also, add a product called Good Cat to their water along with continuing use of the Feliway plug in. This is an herbal remedy that is like a St. Johns wort for your cats. Petting one then the other with a damp sock on your hand makes them smell more familiar to each other. At this point what you are seeing is leftover mistrust. When one gets defensive, the other reacts and a fight breaks out, so anything you can do to lessen the anxiety among them will go a long way.


Try the Good Cat in addition to what Terri has advised, and be patient. It will not happen overnight, but they will learn to get along. They may never be friends, but they will certainly lean to co-exist.


Please let me know if you wish to discuss further!


Warmest wishes,


Reani, Cat Care Expert
Category: Cat
Satisfied Customers: 1762
Experience: 20+ years experience with Cat Care and behavior problems, 3 years Pet Rescue
Reani and 2 other Cat Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

  • The response from the Expert literally saved my cat's life. Thank you from the bottom of my heart -- I will recommend all of my friends to you!!! Lucia Rincon, Georgia
< Previous | Next >
  • The response from the Expert literally saved my cat's life. Thank you from the bottom of my heart -- I will recommend all of my friends to you!!! Lucia Rincon, Georgia
  • I will use your service again. I was very pleased with the response and the fact that you have a low cost option so that those of us on fixed income can have questions answered. I will also recommend you to others. Karen Jackson Heights, NY
  • You helped us to come to what we believe is a better next step in Jack's treatment, and hopefully have saved us $800!! Thanks again! Jack's Mom Tuscon, AZ
  • The vet said that the information and my following it will be what made the difference. Thanks again for being so very helpful. Tracy Grayson, LA
  • My oldest male cat had a seizure this evening. This site was the first place I could think of to go after the seizure had passed. Dr. Lucy was fantastic and she was spot on! Debbie USA
  • I must tell you I found this site by accident and was amazed when I asked a question of the Veteranians online. I wish I could have found it sooner it could have made such a difference in the outcome of my pet's surgery. However, I am passing along the information to my sister-in-law (a cat-rescue person who is also a nurse), and perhaps it will help someone else who may experience the same problem. The doctor who answered my question was amazing, and while it didn't come it time to change the outcome of my situation, it is reassuring to know the caliber of Vets/Doctors that you have at JustAnswer. Thank you for being there. Alice H. Jacksonville, Fl.
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK

Meet The Experts:

  • Terri


    Feline Healthcare Expert

    Satisfied Customers:

    Expert in feline health and behavior. 20 years experience with cats.
< Last | Next >
  • Terri's Avatar


    Feline Healthcare Expert

    Satisfied Customers:

    Expert in feline health and behavior. 20 years experience with cats.
  • Dr. Gary's Avatar

    Dr. Gary

    Cat Veterinarian

    Satisfied Customers:

    DVM, Emergency Veterinarian; BS (Physiology) Michigan State Univ
  • Cher's Avatar


    Feline Specialist

    Satisfied Customers:

    Feline Healthcare & Behavior Specialist 40+ years Experience
  • Lori's Avatar


    Feline Healthcare

    Satisfied Customers:

    16 yrs health care mgmt & issues relating to cats, reproductive issues and multicat environments
  • Micki's Avatar


    Expert in cat behavior and health

    Satisfied Customers:

    Expert in cat medical and behavior issues.
  • Candy R.'s Avatar

    Candy R.

    Veterinary Technician

    Satisfied Customers:

    Practicing Veterinary Technician for 26 years.Former Veterinary Practice Owner, Technician Trainer
  • Theresa's Avatar


    A Voice for your Pet

    Satisfied Customers:

    19+ years in animal medicine as a veterinary technician