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CounselorJules, Family Counselor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 730
Experience:  Licensed Professional Counselor
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My 13 year old grandson is completely out of control. He

Customer Question

My 13 year old grandson is completely out of control. He uses the most foul language to his parents and his younger brother. He screams, talks non stop and is violent to his brother.
He goes to the most expensive school in canberra australia, he has had trips overseas and interstate. Many
, many trips. But nothing is enough. I didnt realise that it was so bad until i went to sydney australia for a week with my daughter and my two grandsons. It was a horrific week. He wouldnt listen to anything we said and goaded his brother by punching, kicking and using verbal abuse. I dont know how his parents stay sane with this kind of behaviour. I am so angry after this week from hell.
Please, please give me some help or guidance on where we can get help before he destroys the whole family.
Submitted: 10 months ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  CounselorJules replied 10 months ago.

Good morning. My name is ***** ***** I am happy to assist. I would like to prepare your answer with research and resources that I can send you. Please bare with me while I am providing a thorough answer. Thank you. Jules :)

Expert:  CounselorJules replied 10 months ago.

Okay, it sounds like you are dealing with a young man that engages in defiance and opposition to say the least. Do you see that there are any patterns of entitlement present? It sounds as though he has not been afforded "contrast" in not always having his way. I think that sometimes one of the best ways to encourage gratitude is to provide them with the opportunity to volunteer with others or mentor younger children. He is 13 and may need the opportunity to feel as though he is a role model or that he can make a positive difference in someone's life. Right now he receives attention for the negative behaviors, and therefore, it may reinforce them. To some children, negative attention is still attention..... So, what about finding the "exception" to the behavior and focusing on strengths or positives. One way to figure out how to meet emotional needs for children, even 13 year old hormone filled young men, is discovering their love language. I am going to send a link that allows you to discover his "love language" which can help you reinforce the things that he needs-- maybe it is not a material gift, but maybe it is words of affirmation? Gary Chapman found that there are 5 patterns of emotional connections and how we demonstrate them. He calls these our "love languages." The Love languages are words of affirmation, gifts, physical touch, quality time, and acts of service. Following the quiz, an explanation of what your child or grandson most needs is given. I think it is a useful tool and can help. I actually have all of my office clients participate on intake/ assessment and I think it really makes it more simple to find solutions.....

Expert:  CounselorJules replied 10 months ago.

I just wanted to follow back up with you. My goal is to provide you with excellent service and I want to be thorough in my response. Please let me know how I can further support you. I look forward to hearing from you :)

Thanks, Jules.