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Ask Dr-A-Green Your Own Question

Dr-A-Green, Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 309
Experience:  Clinical and Forensic Psychologist
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I have a 32 year old son who told me last week that he

Customer Question

I have a 32 year old son who told me last week that he doesn't see me as a mother like most people see their mothers. IHe told me that he sees me as a someone who he was born from. I don't know how I should take that. Please help me understand what is being said to me in that tone? ( If you see anything wrong with this coming from a child to his mother). Before my own mother passed away, she told me to go on about my life and adopt a child if I want a family. I told her even though I am in my early 50s. I am afraid I will have no one there for me at the end of my life. I pray that I am wrong. I am not expecting to hear from his this Mother's day but we do talk on the phone but it is not on a parent son relationship level.
Submitted: 5 months ago.
Category: Parenting
Customer: replied 5 months ago.
He texted me today "Happy Moms day", he couldn't even text , mother. :)
Expert:  Dr-A-Green replied 5 months ago.
I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. It certainly sounds like your son may be going through some rough feelings regarding your relationship. It sounds like he's trying to tell you something, but that it's in a somewhat oblique way. Have you had a difficult relationship with him? What was it like when he was growing up?
Customer: replied 5 months ago.
His father and I were not together when he was born. I was a single mother. Any idea on your end what he's trying to tell me. But I will tell you this that my mom told me that my son said to her that he does't see me as a mom more like a big sister. When I had him I lived with my mother. But again, how would you take that coming from a child?
Customer: replied 5 months ago.
Correction: When I had him, I lived with my parents. He did tell me that my mother was the biggest influence in his life .
Customer: replied 5 months ago.
He doesn't give me credit for anything. He gives other people credit and even goes out of his way to help his godmother. All the positive things I have done, he still keep whatever in the past keep him from having a close relationship with me. I just lost my mother last year and I was devestated when she passed away.
Customer: replied 5 months ago.
"devastated "
Expert:  Dr-A-Green replied 5 months ago.
Oh gosh - I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your mother last year. That must have been very difficult, coupled with what your son said. It sounds to me like he is discounting everything you did for him in the past, and that he's trying to say that he sees you more as a peer (or sister). And, regardless of how he grew up, that's not okay. I would likely be upset if I heard that from a child. It would hurt. But, I would also probably feel a bit of anger too... It's not alright for a child to address their parent with so little respect, and I might try to draw that boundary with him. No matter what type of relationship he had with your mother (or his godmother), you still are his mom. He may have his own judgement about how you did in that role, but that doesn't mean it's okay to essentially strip you of that title ('mother'). Have you considered talking to him about how this felt to you?

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