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CounselorJules, Family Counselor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 676
Experience:  Licensed Professional Counselor
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Actually, this is more about grandparent/granddaughter issue, involvin

Customer Question

actually, this is more about grandparent/granddaughter issue, involving my daughter, the mother of my grandchild. My daughter has been nursing the baby and the baby is almost 1 yr old. She is still not sleeping thru the night - maybe a couple hrs at a time. My daughter and her husband will not allow me to come visit anytime and to take the baby out in the stroller. I have to visit only when the baby is awake and her schedule is not consistent. Their apt is tiny and the only place I can be with baby is to sit cross legged in playpen for like 20 mins. One of the parents always has to be around to watch us....if baby cries or fusses, they pick her up right away. I feel they don't trust me - I took care of 2 of my own kids. And I feel they're overly controllling and obsessive with the baby. I've had numerous prior issues with my daughter so I feel it's impacted on her attitude towards me. I just want to do the grandmother thing - take baby for a walk in stroller, with a bottle and making her comfortable but my daughters says she (baby) doesn't know me well enough (I've been with her several times and the baby responds to me)
Submitted: 10 months ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  CounselorJules replied 10 months ago.
Good morning. I hope that I am able to help you with this situation today. It sounds like the situation is actually hurtful in many ways to you. Babies becoming part of the family is such an exciting time, but the boundaries a new mother may feel or even the anxiety and adjustment can be really tense. You sound to be a very nurturing and loving woman with a heart to be a part of the child's life. I am sorry that you have been hurt. You also have the insight that suggests that past experiences with your daughter may be affecting the role she allows you to have at this time.My suggestion would be to speak to your daughter with a sense of empathy, but also allow her to feel empowered. I think sometimes new moms have all of this personal doubt and maybe project their own insecurities on others around them. You could go to her with something like this, "I want you to know that I think you are an incredible mom and I am so proud to be the grandmother of your daughter, but I also do know that she is your daughter. I want to be a part of her life. I want to bond with her, but I want to respect your wishes as parents also. Please help me to understand how we can balance the opportunity for me to bond with her, but also bond with you during this time. I have not intentionally overstepped, but maybe if you could tell me some boundaries or clear expectations for my role, we can save ourselves from any time of heartaches in the future. Maybe we can just make a specific schedule so that I can watch the baby and help out. I love you very much and my heart is just as full for love for your daughter. Do you think there is any way that we can create a little plan that you and your husband will be comfortable with?"Would she be responsive to something like this?
Customer: replied 10 months ago.
Please review my last answer and follow up. Or I will request a refund
Expert:  CounselorJules replied 10 months ago.
I am sorry. I have been in a meeting. I am not sure of which answer you may be referring to? I don't see anything on the page or I would have responded already. I really am not sure of the technical difficulties that may be occurring.....
Customer: replied 10 months ago.
Jules.....your 1st answer to me did not satisfy me and I don't appreciate being billed for this without completing my conversation with you or getting the chance to rate you. Either please let's continue with my problem or I'm going to complain and request a refund