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CounselorJules
CounselorJules, Family Counselor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 734
Experience:  Licensed Professional Counselor
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My fourteen year old son lied about how s phone broke. He

Customer Question

My fourteen year old son lied about how his phone broke. He said he dropped it and we then found out that he was throwing it in the air and showing off in front of his friends. After the incident, it was overheard that he said, if my Dad doesn't buy me a new one, my Mom will. We made him buy his new phone with his own money. I discussed this with him today and gave him a punishment of no spring hockey this year. I have had comments that this is excessive and the punishment needs to be temporary, perhaps no TV for a week. I read the being too tough could be detrimental in terms of him confiding in me down the road. Can you please offer some advice and suitable punishment? I don't want to make a mistake. If I have been too tough, how do you explain replacement punishment. Thank you
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  CounselorJules replied 1 year ago.

This is a delicate situation, but I do understand your concerns. Some parenting experts feel that the punishment or disciplinary actions should be directly related to the offense. I have found that in working with adolescents, that often the discipline measure should have a clear and concise deadline with an explanation of expected behaviors. I sometimes explain in family sessions that not providing a deadline or goal to work toward is similar to being sentenced to prison without a chance at parole, and the chances of them demonstrating a desire to improve behaviors, may be slim. i would suggest talking to your son about the context of the issue, especially related to disrespect, and then outlining a firm plan associated with how to move forward with a reward system in place. Possibly, continue limited use of the phone, but as compliance improves, the chance or possibly that he can continue to participate in extracurricular activities will remain in place. I suggest that keeping your son busy in positive outlets is going to be more beneficial than "idle hands" which could lead to more serious problems. Team sports provide a great deal of benefits for a youth and the discipline associated with that and pride alone, is worth the discussion of a replacement punishment.

Expert:  CounselorJules replied 1 year ago.

I hope that this was enough information, but if not, I will remain available for further processing. If you do find that this was helpful, please accept and rate the answer, but that does not have to mean the communication ceases, but I would like to make sure that we are on the right track.

Julie

Expert:  CounselorJules replied 1 year ago.

Good morning, I just wanted to check back with you and ensure that you were able to review the answer given. I hope that it was helpful. Thank you again for reaching out for support with your parenting question. Julie