This is a delicate situation, but I do understand your concerns. Some parenting experts feel that the punishment or disciplinary actions should be directly related to the offense. I have found that in working with adolescents, that often the discipline measure should have a clear and concise deadline with an explanation of expected behaviors. I sometimes explain in family sessions that not providing a deadline or goal to work toward is similar to being sentenced to prison without a chance at parole, and the chances of them demonstrating a desire to improve behaviors, may be slim. i would suggest talking to your son about the context of the issue, especially related to disrespect, and then outlining a firm plan associated with how to move forward with a reward system in place. Possibly, continue limited use of the phone, but as compliance improves, the chance or possibly that he can continue to participate in extracurricular activities will remain in place. I suggest that keeping your son busy in positive outlets is going to be more beneficial than "idle hands" which could lead to more serious problems. Team sports provide a great deal of benefits for a youth and the discipline associated with that and pride alone, is worth the discussion of a replacement punishment.
I hope that this was enough information, but if not, I will remain available for further processing. If you do find that this was helpful, please accept and rate the answer, but that does not have to mean the communication ceases, but I would like to make sure that we are on the right track.
Good morning, I just wanted to check back with you and ensure that you were able to review the answer given. I hope that it was helpful. Thank you again for reaching out for support with your parenting question. Julie