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Cher
Cher, Teacher
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 21115
Experience:  Extensive Experience working with Children/Teens; M.A. Teacher/Tutor 40+ yrs.; Parent of 2
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I have a very disrespectful 19 yr old boy. rude, 1 word

Customer Question

i have a very disrespectful 19 yr old boy.
rude, 1 word answers, i feel abuses alcohol.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Parenting
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
he lend my car to his college room mate. the kid has an accident . No sorry, $10,000 in damage. he is impossible to be around. he is zero emotions. like a sociopath,. what do i do ? He said, he is seeing a counselor in college, won't tell me her name. ect... says, this is all my fault.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
constantly drinks . makes it seem social. and i feel i have done everything for him, as a single mom.
Expert:  Cher replied 1 year ago.

Hello and welcome.

I'm sorry you're experiencing this problem with your son. From your description, if he is abusing alcohol (and/or drugs), this may be contributing to his disrespectful behavior. He could also have ODD--Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Here is more information about this:

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/oppositional-defiant-disorder/basics/symptoms/con-20024559

As you can see, this mainly discusses children with this disorder, but it can be carried into 'adult' years, as well.

I'm sorry to hear about your car. If it's YOUR car and since you did not give permission for this kid to drive it, you can try to get reimbursed by your insurance company and also involve the authorities and hire a lawyer to help you. If you can't afford a lawyer, you can call Legal Aid. If your son was in possession of the car, with your permission, you should not allow him to use the car anymore.

You need to find out if he's telling the truth about seeing a counselor in college (call the school and ask the name of the counselor or counselors and get in touch with them) and of course, if this is true, she won't be able to discuss anything with you, due to client/patient confidentiality, plus, your son is over 18, so he's 'emancipated' and considered an 'adult' and his own person; however, you need to find a counselor to speak to, yourself and also try to get him to go with you to family counseling. If he refuses, just speak to someone on your own, to unburden yourself and make yourself feel better.

If he lives with you, rescind all privileges until he stops drinking and gets his act together. He may need to go to A.A. meetings and/or have an intervention with you and other family members/friends to help him help himself.

He's trying to play the guilt card, by saying everything is your fault. He knows everything he does is HIS fault, because he's his own person now, and NOT a child. I, too, am a single parent and I empathize with your frustration.

Try to get the professional help for both you and your son and I hope things will improve, soon!

Please be so kind as to rate my answer with positive feedback; that is the only way I receive credit for my assistance. Thank you very much!

Providing a positive rating will not end our conversation, should you need me for any follow-up. Simply click 'Reply' for clarification or additional information, if needed, at no additional charge.

Warmest regards,
Cher

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Posted by JustAnswer at customer's request) Hello. I would like to request the following Expert Service(s) from you: Live Phone Call. Let me know if you need more information, or send me the service offer(s) so we can proceed.
Expert:  Cher replied 1 year ago.

Hello again and thanks for your reply.

I'm so sorry, but I cannot do a phone call at this time. However, we can continue to discuss the problem, here, if you need additional information. Please let me know what else you wanted to ask or needed to know. Thanks!

Warmest regards,

Cher