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Alicia_MSW
Alicia_MSW, Family Counselor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 794
Experience:  Licensed social worker and psychotherapist
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I've been dating this girl few months and found out she use

Customer Question

I've been dating this girl for a few months and found out she use to date a married man...what I don't understand is that she said when she's in a serious relationship she doesn't want to be cheated on and that would be the worst thing I can do to her...isn't that a double standard because she use to date a married man but doesn't want the same thing done to her? can u please explain?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 1 year ago.

Hello, I'm Alicia. Thanks for your question, I'm happy to help. I realize that this can seem like a double standard, but my view on this situation is that it's probable that she saw the effects of the relationship she had with the married man on him and -- perhaps (through what he may have told her) -- on his wife as well. I imagine she or he may have experienced feelings such as emotional turmoil, lying, guilt, etc that are common to relationships that involve deception. I imagine that during this relationship with him she probably felt conflicted about a lot of things (her own feelings, or realizing how the wife would feel if she found out, for example). I can guess that she probably also discussed this with him and realized the toll cheating takes on everyone involved. I think the answer to your question is that because she was on the other end of the stick, so to speak, she has firsthand experience in realizing that she doesn't want the same thing done to her. Maybe it's because she realized that cheating can destroy the lives of pretty much everyone involved, and perhaps this experience caused her to realize that this isn't the way she wants to live her life and isn't the way she would want to be treated in an intimate relationship. So while I think you can sat that it's a double standard, I do think she's had a realization that has caused her to change her values. I wish you all the best and I hope things work out between the two of you. Please let me know if you need additional assistance.

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