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Cher, Teacher
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 21060
Experience:  Extensive Experience working with Children/Teens; M.A. Teacher/Tutor 40+ yrs.; Parent of 2
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My 23 year old son authorized a payment of 304 $ using my

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My 23 year old son authorized a payment of 304 $ using my checking account. I gave hi from 8:30 am until 7:00pm to explain. Nothing. Went to press charges at the police dept. Nothing. Not until the police contacted him directly did i get feeble explanations.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Cher replied 1 year ago.
Hello, and welcome!
My name is ***** ***** I will be helping with your question tonight, but first, I have just a few questions to get to know the situation better:
Does your son live with you? If so, does he pay any living expenses?
Does he have a job?
How did he get access to your checking account?
Thanks for all your additional information, and after you reply, please allow me some time to compose and send your detailed answer.
Best regards,
Expert:  Cher replied 1 year ago.
Hello again,
I was hoping to hear back from you with some additional information, but I will send my answer now and if you have any further questions or need any clarification, just hit 'Reply' and I will be happy to continue.
First, I'm very sorry that this happened with your son. He should not have access to your checking account number, checkbook, etc. You did the right thing (although, I'm sure, painful) in going to the police, because his action did constitute 'stealing' from you.
If he lives with you and doesn't work, I'm assuming he does not contribute to the household expenses or pay you rent, etc. At his age, whether he lives with you or not, he should know better than to take something that doesn't belong to him, like your money. If he is not working, you can remind him that if he has expenses, he needs to support himself by getting a job. Help him out, at first, by circling jobs for which you feel he's qualified, in the classifieds or send him links to, etc., online.
He has to know there are consequences to his undesirable actions, so you must decide what you will deprive him of or make him do without (cell phone, tv, video games, etc.), in order to realize the consequences of his actions. You can also demand that he pays you back the amount he took, in monthly installments, starting low, at first, at about $25 a month. This will help give him motivation to get a job if he is not already working.
Many children still live with their parents at his age, and maybe he doesn't feel ready to be on his own, if he's living with you; however, if you're making it too easy for him to get along without working, he feels 'why should I work? I have/get everything I need!'
It's possible that he has some learning disabilities or other difficulties and that is why he is finding it hard to get a job (I'm assuming he's not working, but please correct me if I'm wrong). Both you and he (separately or together) would benefit from counseling to conquer this problem. You are 'enabling' him by making things easy in his life.
You will need to employ 'detachment' with him, at this point and although it will be difficult, you may have to threaten to not allow him to live with you any longer, and give him a reasonable amount of time to move out.
Although it will be an annoyance for you, if he memorized your checking account number or has it stored somewhere, you might want to open a new account at your bank, so this can't happen again, then make sure he never gets access to your financial information.
I hope this helped!
Please be so kind as to rate my answer with positive feedback so I receive credit for my assistance. Thank you very much.
Rating will not cut off our communication and you can click 'Reply' at any time if you would like to discuss this further.
Warmest regards,