How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Rafael M.T.Therapist Your Own Question

Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Family Counselor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
65591635
Type Your Parenting Question Here...
Rafael M.T.Therapist is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My 17 year old wants to spend New Years Eve with his 16 year

Resolved Question:

My 17 year old wants to spend New Years Eve with his 16 year old girlfriend who lives in another state. I don't like the idea. Holidays should be spent with families, especially at this age.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 1 year ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I do totally agree with you, once this is about your minor son, and perhaps the last time he shares this special holiday with you, being consistent with the core values you have raised him with is assertive, while discussing with him why this is this important for you.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

How has it been in previous years, what does your husband thinks about it and what's been your son's response to your position?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I want to say that sound and effective parenting does always set and keep healthy boundaries and limits, since it is based on them, that children develop the very skills to become responsible, respectful and sensitive adults.

Customer:

My husband thinks I should let him experience these things and my son wants to go. He has a celebrity girlfriend who showers him with presents and she is home scholled. My son is applying for Ivy League colleges and she doesn't understand the pressure.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Obviously, for a young person like him, many times nothing could be more appealing that spending that time with an old girlfriend, but again, these is about assessing the situation with an assertive approach.
I see, then your husband support his plans. spoiling is never healthy but very appealing for sure, and as I said he will be an adult very soon.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I do support the idea that he is also old enough to take full responsibility for his own choices and actions, and when you are being a supportive and wise parent being concerned about these situations, he is and will have to take full responsibility for everything he chooses to do with his life, and your role would continue to be to support him, not as a little child anymore, but as an adult...

Customer:

So do you mean that since he will be an adult soon I should support his plans of leaving for New Years? Even though we live in NY and she is in Colorado and we will be paying for his vacaton?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Thus if he does not comply with the core rules and agreements you have about important things, then he would have to afford consequences from it, in order to learn, mature and truly work on becoming a real adult.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

What I mean, as I previously stated, is that you should be consistent with the core values you have as a family, that if you as a mother, do expect and want him to be there with your this year, even more taking into account that this could be the last year he shares this special time with you, he should understand and respect that.

Customer:

What about my husband who supports his ideas?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

That your responsibility is to take good care of him, and not to please him when you do not consider a plan is adequate or assertive. But both of you as parents, should discuss this and get to an agreement, in order to decide what he will be doing about it.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Both of you are equally responsible for his well-being, thus you need to decided what you want to do about it, then talk to him about your decision.

Customer:

Thank you!

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It is obvious you do not feel comfortable nor support his plans, thus I do not see how this could work for you as a family unless you or your husband change your mind. What would not help for sure is for each of you to push the situation to opposite directions.
You're very welcome.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please feel free to contact me if you have any other questions since I am here willing to support you as possible. This will be the last New year holiday you can spend together as a family, and that's why I support you about your expectation for him to share this with you.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

He will have his whole life from next year to do as he pleases, as long as being fully accountable and compliant with his life as an adult.

Rafael M.T.Therapist, Family Counselor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
Rafael M.T.Therapist and 3 other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Family Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    108
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Family Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    108
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/jhollo77/2010-2-6_651_Avatar.jpg Jennifer's Avatar

    Jennifer

    School Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    77
    Collaborative parent consultation on everything from modifying behavior to child development.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/VO/vodkas25/2012-1-29_16528_P1010831.64x64.JPG professional_Alison's Avatar

    professional_Alison

    Child Care

    Satisfied Customers:

    77
    Degree in early years,16 years experience in childcare
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    40
    Licensed as psychologist and marriage and family therapist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg NormanM's Avatar

    NormanM

    Author, lecturer and psychotherapist.

    Satisfied Customers:

    19
    ADHP(NC), DHP, ECP, UKCP Registered
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KA/KaterB1270/2012-5-2_17226_016.64x64.jpg KaterB1270's Avatar

    KaterB1270

    Teacher

    Satisfied Customers:

    18
    BS Family Consumer Sciences Ed. and Masters of Art in Teaching
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KA/Kansastherapist/2012-6-13_171911_4upon20120220at14.64x64.jpg KansasTherapist's Avatar

    KansasTherapist

    LSCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    17
    17 years experience with depression, abuse, and borderline.
 
 
 

Related Parenting Questions

Chat Now With A Parenting Counselor
Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist
Director / Psychotherapist
108 Satisfied Customers
MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach