It is quite possible that she is trying to assert some independence as she is at college and 21. Are the texts and calls happening frequently? I might suggest that when you see her next that you sit with her and talk with her about how she is feeling when she gets the calls and texts and what you hope to get from her when you do reach out.
If you think she is struggling in some way then yes you should see her sooner rather than later to see what is going on. But by her not answering her texts may not mean that something is wrong but more in the way of wanting some independence.
I dont think just turning off the phone is the answer here...that will only alienate her further.
Im sure she wants independence.
But she is not responding to her sister either.
And we have already and the talk that ...we are only asking for her to respond to our questions.
Its clear that she does answer questions she doesn't want to respond to...
and how has she responded when you have had those talks with her?
but that is not going to help in life or business
When we talked about it she says she understands, but she has been like this for a long time.
And these will be things that she will learn on her own as she enters business. Is it possible for you to pull back a bit?
BotXXXXX XXXXXne, we feel that we fully pay for her college, she should not have the right to ignore us.
sure we can pull back.
but will we regret it if something is really wrong.
and this is causing the power struggle. I know how hard it is and that you feel you are owed that right to ask and get things answered but it might be great growth for all involved to pull back a bit with the questions.
I would plan a family fun dinner and invite her and just see how she is without peppering her with questions.
Would she accept the invitation?
she doesn't respond when we do that. when my wife asks if she will go to dinner with just her..no response.
and if you go see her at school? Is that an option since she is so close?
If you are worried that something is truly wrong then i would show up and do a check in with her
yes, I got really worried about her once, and knocked on her apartment door...she made up a lie about not getting the text or call due to Iphone technical reasons
turning off the phone or not paying for her college doesnt get the results you desire and that is to have a relationship with her so checking in with her again is the way to go.
I would also ask her directly why is it that you have pulled away...what can we do to repair this?
keep your goal in mind and that is to reconnect not to push her further away and if things are fragile with her then you run that risk with threats or ultimatums. You are a concerned parent and you have every right and you want to be close...let her know that and ask how to make it better