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Bonnie, Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 2189
Experience:  and pediatric nurse practitioner with 30 years of experience counseling parents.
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My 4 yr old daughter does not mind at all. No punishment by

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My 4 yr old daughter does not mind at all. No punishment by me affects her. How do I get her to mind?

Hello and thank you for consulting JA,

Sometimes children will refuse to behave when something is bothering them. In these cases the standard behavior management (that you have tried) does not work.

Is your child going through some major change in her life that she might be reacting to?

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

We moved from an apartment to a town home and she shares her room with her 1 yr old little brother. I have been having an issue with this for over a year though.

Hi Ashley,
I just wrote and answer and accidentally deleted it. I am writing again. Be back shortly.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.


Okay....thanks for the information that this has been going on for one year. It is interesting that her brother is one year old. Could this be jealously of him? Yes, it might be.

The behavior you describe is called Oppositional Defiant Disorder (in our behavioral health field). I will tell you the strategies to use but if they do not work you may need to get her enrolled in some play therapy.

First strategy is catch her being good and praise her ALOT.
Second is Special Mommy Time of 20 minutes per day just you and her. Do not remove special time as a punishment but you can add some as a reward. She gets special mommy time no matter what. Sometimes knowing that she will get you to herself is enough to calm down the jealous feelings.

These positive discipline strategies are recommended for ODD along with the usual time-outs for breaking the house rules. Tell her the rules and the consequences such as "If you do not put toys away when mommy asks, then you will sit in time out for 4 minutes (use a timer). It is important that she knows the rules clearly.

If these still do not work, then try the play therapy where she can process her feelings and does not act them out.

I hope this helps. Try these books too: Your Defiant Child or Ten Days to a Less Defiant Child.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

My boyfriend and I have a differnt work schedule. He works 5 to 5 and I work 5pm to 2am. I have both kids all day by myself. How do I implement mommy time for just me and her? Also, she's been like this since she was 2

Oh yes, I know this is hard and your very busy schedule may be one of the reasons she acts out. She just wants more of you than she can have. My advise is that special mommie time is during brother's naps. The fact that this has actually been going on for 2 years does point to the possibility that it is her temperament (personality) to be negetive. The strategies are the same though. You might also get some benefit from reading her this book.

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