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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Family Counselor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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I started reading my sons texts because he was becoming more

Resolved Question:

I started reading my son's texts because he was becoming more and more distant and was having outbursts of anger. He has been texting a group of girls on a social network called LINE. He spends almost all his free time on here. These are people who he has never met in person. He has almost no interaction with anyone at his school or anyone he actually knows. I try to talk to him about what is going on but he won't open up at all. Many of is his texts are harmless, but many are inappropriate and deal with issues of sexual confusion and significant anger. He also expresses issues of feeling very insecure and afraid of people, and he feels that the people on LINE are the only ones who understand him or care about him. He apparently believes that I do read his texts because he has told his group of "friends" that I do. Should I tell him directly that I am reading his texts? Any other advice?
Submitted: 10 months ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 10 months ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I’m very sorry to know about this serious situation. What you describe in your message is really concerning because it shows a 14 years old that has been literally alienating himself from his concrete reality. It is not normal nor acceptable; since there is no good reason for a person to present serious behaviors. Unhappily, many young people could undergo similar episodes mostly because of suffering of different mental health problems like depression, anxiety or any other disorder.


You said he’s been having a tough time at school and the he suffers of ADD, which by itself could make things tough for any adolescent. It’s also true that people suffering ADD/ADHD also presents other comorbid disorders like anxiety and depression.


What you have found out by reading his messages clearly shows that he’s suffering of depression, lot of anger, self-esteem issues, and very probably of anxiety too.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

People develop mood unbehavioral disorders when overwhelmed by feelings from life situation and issues they do not know how effectively cope with. When this happens they look for any means that could allow them to get some form of relief, sense of control and gratification; and this is how most dysfunctional and unhealthy behaviors develop. Addictions and compulsive behaviors are the most common ones in scenarios like this, since they offer the illusion of relief, control and joy that the person is unable to experience through healthy ways.


 


The internet and this social networking tools allow people who feel overwhelmed and alone to find an escape and hope while feeling safe and comfortable by the using this technology.


 


Does it make sense?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It’s every parent responsibility to raise and educate a child providing assertive parenting, which must include healthy discipline and affection, clear boundaries and limits, rules and consequences, otherwise a child would be unable to develop and grow being and feeling good and fulfilled.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Anger is not a primary feeling, but the consequence of painful feelings overwhelming the person, who acts out through anger the sadness, frustration and fear pushing him from inside. Once your son gets necessary support in order to work on this painful feelings and the life issues behind them, he would be able to experience and express anger in positive ways, develop stable mood and healthy relationships. Please, I know that you have already a counseling appointment for your son, but make sure he gets intensive “psychotherapy” – not counseling and commits to his rehabilitation process. Psychotherapy must include collateral sessions for you and your spouse to work on learning effective strategies to support him, from healthy parenting to good communication and coping skills. I hope this helps. Please, feel free to reply with any further questions, since I’m here to support you as much as possible.

Rafael M.T.Therapist, Family Counselor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
Rafael M.T.Therapist and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 10 months ago.
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Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 10 months ago.
Rafael M.T.Therapist says:
2:25 PM
Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
2:45 PM
I’m very sorry to know about this serious situation. What you describe in your message is really concerning because it shows a 14 years old that has been literally alienating himself from his concrete reality. It is not normal nor acceptable; since there is no good reason for a person to present serious behaviors. Unhappily, many young people could undergo similar episodes mostly because of suffering of different mental health problems like depression, anxiety or any other disorder.
You said he’s been having a tough time at school and the he suffers of ADD, which by itself could make things tough for any adolescent. It’s also true that people suffering ADD/ADHD also presents other comorbid disorders like anxiety and depression.
What you have found out by reading his messages clearly shows that he’s suffering of depression, lot of anger, self-esteem issues, and very probably of anxiety too.
3:05 PM
People develop mood and behavioral disorders when overwhelmed by feelings from life situation and issues they do not know how effectively cope with. When this happens they look for any means that could allow them to get some form of relief, sense of control and gratification; and this is how most dysfunctional and unhealthy behaviors develop. Addictions and compulsive behaviors are the most common ones in scenarios like this, since they offer the illusion of relief, control and joy that the person is unable to experience through healthy ways.
The internet and this social networking tools allow people who feel overwhelmed and alone to find an escape and hope while feeling safe and comfortable by the using this technology.
Does it make sense?
3:11 PM
It’s every parent responsibility to raise and educate a child providing assertive parenting, which must include healthy discipline and affection, clear boundaries and limits, rules and consequences, otherwise a child would be unable to develop and grow being and feeling good and fulfilled.
3:21 PM
Anger is not a primary feeling, but the consequence of painful feelings overwhelming the person, who acts out through anger the sadness, frustration and fear pushing him from inside. Once your son gets necessary support in order to work on this painful feelings and the life issues behind them, he would be able to experience and express anger in positive ways, develop stable mood and healthy relationships. Please, I know that you have already a counseling appointment for your son, but make sure he gets intensive “psychotherapy” – not counseling and commits to his rehabilitation process. Psychotherapy must include collateral sessions for you and your spouse to work on learning effective strategies to support him, from healthy parenting to good communication and coping skills. I hope this helps. Please, feel free to reply with any further questions, since I’m here to support you as much as possible.

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