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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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My 2 1/2 year old does not mind me very well and sometimes

Customer Question

My 2 1/2 year old does not mind me very well and sometimes not at all. I do not spank but this stop or Ill say stop again is not working. I come from a spanking home so do not feel equipet to handle my own frustration so when the power struggle gets out of hand I end up yelling at her horribly; then she cries and Im so upset and ashamed I comfort her. I fear what kind of long term damage this is doing to her. I do sometime outs and take things from her but she doesnt always seem to care so that doesnt always work, and when she gets mad she sometimes hits or throws things. How much of her defiance is normal, what age do children do what theyre told, and what can I do to fix all this?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Dear friend,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I believe that I can help you

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I hear how terribly frustrated you are.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

She is very young and is exploring her world

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are not spanking her and that is good that you can exercise self restraint.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

However, yelling her intensely is very much like spanking and can harm her as much and that is why she is throwing things.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are teaching her anger.\

Customer: I do not believe I ever learned how to properly process or express anger and so now have no knowledge how to show her a better way.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You could either find a therapist to learn anger management, or you can use one of several excellent workbooks that can guide you very gently but surely to change your thinking and behavior.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Let me recommend a workbook.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

The Anger Control Workbook by McKay, Matthew and XXXXX, XXXXX D.

Customer: Would be interested in workbooks. Is it too late to repair any damage that may have occured? We didnt have these power struggles until recently, a year or so sinc eshe has gotten older. Not minding can be dangerous in certain instances so I feel it is important to accomplish this goal the right way
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

No it is not too late.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

As your behavior changes she will regain her confidence in you and lose any fear that she might have developed.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

The book I recommended has been very helpful for several of my clients and I believe it will help you. You have to stick with the program, and that is not hard.

Customer: I hope so the thought of harming her development makes me ill and i want to learn more patientce. Will be checking out the book you recommended asap
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You will regain any lost ground. Your daughter always loves you and she should not ever fear you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are doing the right thing to seek help. That is half the battle already won.

Customer: Sounds like a process though as with all things, would there also be any thing I can implement now? Thats my biggest fear losing her love so glad to hear that thank you!
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You will succeed because it is exactly what you want to do.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I shall keep you in my prayers for success.

Customer: Thank you I firmly believe in the power of prayer!
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I do too ! :)

Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and 2 other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you

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