Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am very sorry to know about this very sad and frustrating situation.
Can you help me?
I dont know what to do
Hi, thank you for joining the chat.
I am here to support you.
Could you please me what's your age and for how long have you had serious arguments ir disagreements with her, and how did you use to resolve them?
please TELL me...
I will turn 17 next month and we have little disputes like any other family does
It ranges from bickering about my education and behavious
Thanks. Then you are very young. What led you to get this upset with her to insult her that way?
Sometimes we get into heated arguments where we yell but that rarely happens
Was she disrespectful or abusive for you to insult her the way you did?
I have allocated my funds for this month in hope of purchasing a computer screen. I work at a grocery store and make decent money there.
She is never disrespectful towards me for no reason
Then what happened this time?
I was on my way to buy the monitor that they knew I was going to buy a month in advance
when my mother stopped me
She was threatening to lock down my bank account since I am still a minor to stop me from buying the monitor
I tried explaining it to her my plan for the month.
Putting some on the side so I had money to last me the month
Because they are always arguing that I finish my money before the end of the month
How she justified trying to do that, not allowing you to buy the monitor since you were not neglecting your responsibilities and told them in advance about your plan?
The problem isn't the argument we went in
The problem is that now she wont acknowledge me since I let the word Bitch slip out
I have been trying to fix it but as my report says, she wont talk to me
And leaves the room when I approach
I see, I just wanted to understand what could have pushed you that much to the point of insulting your mother the way you did.
It just slipped
How long ago did this incident happen?
AS I said, she is going through cancer and I was out of balance
almost a week
What has your father done about it?
he is sweet
At least he will talk to me
He is trying to fix it but mom refuses to talk to him about me
When my sister is home, she is all cheerfull and happy
Then you have not been allowed to apologize because of her absolute avoidance?
This breaks my heart
But your father has talked to her about it and told her how you feel because of what you said, right?
I think so
I suggest you to talk to your father and ask him for support, for him to talk to her about it, and he could also give her a letter form you, where you would apologize because if what you said, reminding her how much you love and care about her, and want to work on healing your relationship and supporting her during her treatment.
Thank you for this
It says that you are typing
So I'll wait
It is his job to support both of you and the the family as a whole unit, since what impacts one of you , affects the others too. You are already taking full responsibility for your abusive words,and have been showing through concrete actions that you feel sorry and have changed your ways, that it was an incident triggered by her decision too push you without respecting your plans. She was abusive when pushing you the way she did, and I can see that's what triggered your anger and abusive words. it does not justify your behavior, but explains very well why you reacted the way you did when feeling this frustrated by her attitude.
Thank you for this
I'll talk to my dad when he gets home
Thank you for being this patient and understanding. I can tell you that most people are not this respectful and assertive as you are here, and that shows your level of maturity and assertiveness, and confirms my believe that what you said was not intentional, wanting to hurt your mother but an emotional reaction when feeling overwhelmed by frustration because of her unfair behavior trying to stop you from buying the monitor and punishing you unfairly too by closing your bank account.
Perfect. You're very welcome
Thank you for yoru trust.
Please be gentle and compassionate, patient, understanding and supportive with yourself too.
And like I typed, she is going to go to chemo in a few days
And that will impact everyone
You need and deserve to be this kind with yourself, specially when facing tough and painful times.
You are already doing your best about it, being consistent with the love, respect and support you offer to her. Everything else depends on her, please do not take responsibility for your mother's feelings choices and actions, since that's somerhing she needs to work on herself.
Her healing process needs of that work on herself too. Just be patient, compassionate and supportive specially when she refuses or has a hard time forgiving and letting go
Take gentle care and feel free to contact me since I am here to support you.
You can try rating now.
Bye for now
It wont let me rate
I am sorry the chat has a bug and is blocking you from rating.