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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Family Counselor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 3038
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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My mom and I recently got into a heated argument like never

Resolved Question:

My mom and I recently got into a heated argument like never before. We have had our disagreements before but in this one I accidentally called her a bitch. I never meant to call her that word and now she refuses to speak to me because of this. The worst thing is that she is starting chemo for cancer in a few days and it breaks my heart since I want to be with her when it starts. The current state of affairs is that every time I approach her, she goes to another room and refuses to acknowledge me. Please help me.
Submitted: 6 months ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 6 months ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to know about this very sad and frustrating situation.

Customer:

Hello Rafael

Customer:

So

Customer:

Can you help me?

Customer:

I dont know what to do

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hi, thank you for joining the chat.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am here to support you.

Customer:

How so

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Could you please me what's your age and for how long have you had serious arguments ir disagreements with her, and how did you use to resolve them?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

please TELL me...

Customer:

I will turn 17 next month and we have little disputes like any other family does

Customer:

It ranges from bickering about my education and behavious

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Thanks. Then you are very young. What led you to get this upset with her to insult her that way?

Customer:

Sometimes we get into heated arguments where we yell but that rarely happens

Customer:

Well

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Was she disrespectful or abusive for you to insult her the way you did?

Customer:

I have allocated my funds for this month in hope of purchasing a computer screen. I work at a grocery store and make decent money there.

Customer:

And no

Customer:

She is never disrespectful towards me for no reason

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Then what happened this time?

Customer:

I was on my way to buy the monitor that they knew I was going to buy a month in advance

Customer:

when my mother stopped me

Customer:

She was threatening to lock down my bank account since I am still a minor to stop me from buying the monitor

Customer:

I tried explaining it to her my plan for the month.

Customer:

Putting some on the side so I had money to last me the month

Customer:

Because they are always arguing that I finish my money before the end of the month

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

How she justified trying to do that, not allowing you to buy the monitor since you were not neglecting your responsibilities and told them in advance about your plan?

Customer:

yes

Customer:

The problem isn't the argument we went in

Customer:

The problem is that now she wont acknowledge me since I let the word Bitch slip out

Customer:

I have been trying to fix it but as my report says, she wont talk to me

Customer:

And leaves the room when I approach

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I see, I just wanted to understand what could have pushed you that much to the point of insulting your mother the way you did.

Customer:

It just slipped

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

How long ago did this incident happen?

Customer:

AS I said, she is going through cancer and I was out of balance

Customer:

almost a week

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

What has your father done about it?

Customer:

he is sweet

Customer:

At least he will talk to me

Customer:

He is trying to fix it but mom refuses to talk to him about me

Customer:

When my sister is home, she is all cheerfull and happy

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Then you have not been allowed to apologize because of her absolute avoidance?

Customer:

Excactly

Customer:

This breaks my heart

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

But your father has talked to her about it and told her how you feel because of what you said, right?

Customer:

I think so

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I suggest you to talk to your father and ask him for support, for him to talk to her about it, and he could also give her a letter form you, where you would apologize because if what you said, reminding her how much you love and care about her, and want to work on healing your relationship and supporting her during her treatment.

Customer:

Thank you for this

Customer:

It says that you are typing

Customer:

So I'll wait

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It is his job to support both of you and the the family as a whole unit, since what impacts one of you , affects the others too. You are already taking full responsibility for your abusive words,and have been showing through concrete actions that you feel sorry and have changed your ways, that it was an incident triggered by her decision too push you without respecting your plans. She was abusive when pushing you the way she did, and I can see that's what triggered your anger and abusive words. it does not justify your behavior, but explains very well why you reacted the way you did when feeling this frustrated by her attitude.

Customer:

Thank you for this

Customer:

I'll talk to my dad when he gets home

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Thank you for being this patient and understanding. I can tell you that most people are not this respectful and assertive as you are here, and that shows your level of maturity and assertiveness, and confirms my believe that what you said was not intentional, wanting to hurt your mother but an emotional reaction when feeling overwhelmed by frustration because of her unfair behavior trying to stop you from buying the monitor and punishing you unfairly too by closing your bank account.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Perfect. You're very welcome

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Thank you for yoru trust.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please be gentle and compassionate, patient, understanding and supportive with yourself too.

Customer:

I will

Customer:

And like I typed, she is going to go to chemo in a few days

Customer:

And that will impact everyone

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You need and deserve to be this kind with yourself, specially when facing tough and painful times.

Customer:

Thanks

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You are already doing your best about it, being consistent with the love, respect and support you offer to her. Everything else depends on her, please do not take responsibility for your mother's feelings choices and actions, since that's somerhing she needs to work on herself.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Her healing process needs of that work on herself too. Just be patient, compassionate and supportive specially when she refuses or has a hard time forgiving and letting go

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're welcome.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Take gentle care and feel free to contact me since I am here to support you.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You can try rating now.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Bye for now

Customer:

bye

Customer:

It wont let me rate

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am sorry the chat has a bug and is blocking you from rating.

Rafael M.T.Therapist, Family Counselor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 3038
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
Rafael M.T.Therapist and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you

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