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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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My ex husband wants to change our parenting time with our five

Resolved Question:

My ex husband wants to change our parenting time with our five year old to 7 days on and 7 days off. I strongly disagree and have to go to mediation next week. How can I make them see that, that will not be the best thing for my son?
Submitted: 9 months ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 9 months ago.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Dear friend,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I believe that I can help.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I understand why a schedule such as this may not be in a child's best interest.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

In your particular case, what are your chief concerns?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You seem to have gone offline.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I see you are back. While I am typing let me urge you to get the following book that has been around for a long time but is always updated. This you can have in minutes from now as an Kindle (eBook) book.

Customer:

I appriciate your feedback , what is my next step? I feel that my son is too young and not ready for a step like this. I havent been away from him for longer then a couple days since he was born!

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :



This book will give you the best suggestions and ammunition/professional authoritative guidance that will help you and your attorney, and may even convince your husband that this would be a bad and selfish arrangement.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I agree with you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You do not have a lot of time, but you could delay the hearing.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I recommending that you find a child psychologist who professionally and regularly works in the legal system to back you up in court as an expert witness. This usually is a very effective method.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You could try to come up with a more reasonable schedule that your husband will agree to.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He may be doing this to gain leverage on any settlement (alimony, etc) that he made with you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

There are actually computer programs that are used to manage scheduling for visitation and custody and they may be helpful and save legal fees in the long run.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

The software I had in mind is:

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Custody X Change:

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

http://www.custodyxchange.com/custody/child-custody-schedule.php

Customer:

Ex husband. I will look into that book, but I have to go to mediation for the second time in a couple of days.. first was because he wanted to modify child support and won eventhough he owed back support. Just want the mediator to see that he needs to b with his mom

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :


It is best to win on the first round but what is even better is to convince him to change his demands.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Sorry. Ex husband.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He may also be facing jail time for contempt of court (failure to pay). He may think that he will get his child support payments reduced.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He doesn't seem to be in a position of strength, and he is foolish to try to use your son as a pawn.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

or daughter. You did not say.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Yes you did. Sorry. Your son.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I believe that getting a psychologist as an expert witness would be your strongest point.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Let him know that you will resist his attempts because you think it is not in your son's best interest.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

When he sees how deadly serious you are he may back down.

Customer:

I wont be going to court right away, first is mediation, the resolalution hearing. So I dont want to agree to what he wants in mediation.. rather it go to court.. except for the money ofcourse. Ive already told him I dont agree and he seems to think he will win.. just want whats best for my son! Since I cant bring anyone with me to mediation what do u think I should do?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You can't even bring your attorney?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Don't agree with anything then and let it go to court..

Customer:

Not to mediation! No attorney. ?

Customer:

Mine resigned

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Get that book right away and learn all you can.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Get a new attorney. That is reason enough to delay hearings or maybe even mediation until you can get new counsel.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Your ex-husband is probably bluffing. He doesn't know and the courts will be likely to favor you.

Customer:

I hope so.. but like I said the last mediation I went to he was able to lower his child support even though he owed back! They only deal with one thing at a time

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Go to see a psychologist right away and talk to her about separation anxiety. This is a topic you can bring up.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You need to keep a list of all expenses, need to hammer on the fact that he still owes you money and because he is irresponsible is not trustworthy to maintain your son.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Do both of you work?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Do you both have good child-care arranagements?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

arrangements

Customer:

Yes! He is remarried and lives with all his in laws, so thinks they can watch him all the time. I live with boyfriend and son most of the time except when he has him 2 days a week and every other sunday overnight. My son just started kinder and between my boyfriend and I will have all nights off during the week, I changed my schedule when he started school

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Will the move interfere with his kindergarten?

Customer:

No dont think so. But still not ok with it

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I understand that ! ! !

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I urge you to download that Custody Agreement book right away and learn all that you can.

Customer:

Ok so botXXXXX XXXXXne??? Taken to much of your time. I will get that book

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I am happy to help you. This is very critically important for you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

In any case you will work something out and you will all learn to live with it and your son with thrive.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I am so sorry that you have had to endure this, but all will be well in the end.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I shall keep all of you in my prayers.

Customer:

Thank u

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are so very welcome.

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 9 months ago.
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Customer: replied 9 months ago.

So Elliot with your experence in psychology you feel that at 5 years old child is not ready for a schedule such as this one? Without attorneys I should be able to convince the mediator of this, by discussing his age and the fact that I havent ever really been away from him for very long other then when he was on vacation with his dad! Other then age and that im his mom, any other points I should bring up?


 

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 9 months ago.
Dear XXXXX,

How does your son react to being separated from you? This is a question you may be asked. If he is not upset by it, then you will have less of an argument.

Every child is different and some are more adaptable than others. No therapist can tell how he will fare unless the child is assessed.

If he has anxiety about being away from you OR of being with his father or father's family, then you should bring up thiese points

So much depends on the judge as well.

Dress respectfully, be as confident as possiblem, and list every reason that you personally can attest to so that you can easily testify about them in court.

The most influential argument would be that your child sufferes separation anxiety, but you may ultimately have to back that up. Once again, if depends on the judge and the lawyers involved.

See this article:

http://www.livestrong.com/article/502102-separation-anxiety-in-a-5-year-old-child/

I wish you success.


Warm regards,

Elliott
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you

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