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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Family Counselor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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My 14 year son is a great kid! He is easy going, gets straight

Resolved Question:

My 14 year son is a great kid! He is easy going, gets straight As in school, and really has never been in any sort of trouble.

Here's my problem: He plays way too many video games on his computer. He plays the type that his other friends can play along with from their computers, so he socializes that way. But other than this, he has no other interests!! He's not into sports, however, I have offered to take him to check out martial arts, swimming, and even getting him a personal trainer at the gym. Not only do I worry about the social interaction but I feel he needs to exercise (his weight is not an issue but I worry about his health!).

Should I resort to forcing him to go out and try some other activity or make him sign up for something at school? Or should I just thank my lucky stars that this is really the only thing that is an issue?
Submitted: 9 months ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 9 months ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am sorry to know about this concerning situation.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

While on one hand you are blessed for having a child who does this well at school and has not engaged in any type of serious issues with other people, it is also necessary to acknowledge that life is much broader tan that and that for him to be truly healthy and fulfilled now and in his life as an adult in the near future, he needs to take good care of all the other areas he has been neglecting.

Customer: So, how should I go about about getting him to engage in other activities.
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

it is very easy for a child to get addicted to these type of games, and it could literally undermine in very serious ways his development and growth in other core areas, which could be as important or even more essential than academics.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It is both parents role to literally shape their child's personality, mind and heart, modeling and teaching what is healthy and what is destructive, and for that healthy limits, boundaries, discipline and affection must be present, otherwise any type of distsrtion could develop taking the potential for a healthy life to fuel very unhealthy habits an behaviors.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

The worst approach here would be to dismiss the existence of this serious issue, allowing and enabling his self-neglect and fuelign habits taht could not lead you to become a healthy and fulflilled whole person.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Of course if he has been doing this for long, he would not react in a nice way to any change, since he could have been spoiled to a point where he feels it is normal, just fine and that he has the right to do as he pleases, not taking into account how unhealthy these behaviors have got. This is why both parents need to work as a team teaching a child about everything, to be responsible, proactive, assertive, to work on developing necessary communication, social and coping skills, and every thing else, and this is the hard work every parent should focus on, otherwise we could be providing material support and affection, but not a healthy parenting essential for them to be and feel truly good with themselves and their lives.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Balance is a key word here. Games, TV, the internet and everything else could be just fine as long as the person does not spend excessive time in any of those activities, since if that happens to be the case, they become unhealthy or destructive, undermining his mental health and life as a whole.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

His core responsibilities should never be limited to getting good grades at school, since that s very good but only address his intellectual skills, which are important for sure, but without all the other skills he needs to develop, he could be a very limited, unhappy and dysfunctional adult unless he happens to start developing himself in all the other core areas.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Thus he would need to be not only effetcive complying with school academic work, but also be responsible and effective with social activities, physical and/or artistic activities, a healthy social life in consistency with his age, family sharing, helping with house chores and everything else a healthy human being should to at his age. He is already old enough to do amny things not only to take ogod care of himself but to contribute with your family and unless he starts working omn it, he woudl nto spontaneously develop the insight, motivation, sense of responsibility and assertiveness to do so.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Does it make sense?

Customer: Yes. It's what I know....I'm just having trouble making him realize that this in not healthy. I'm going to have to force him to try new things...at least make him go for awhile and then his father and I can discuss with him. More likely than not, I know he will enjoy getting out and doing other things.
Customer: thanks!
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

This will not be an easy process but is is necessary and worthy for sure, since his present and future health, happiness well-being depend on it.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're very welcome. Please work on it to make necessary changes, he needs to learn, mature and enjoy being more assertive, mature, responsible and supportive taking better care of himself, he is already a young man and soon will be an adult, and needs to develop all these other essential areas otherwise eh would suffer a lot, and none of you want to afford that for sure.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please feel free to contact me as necessary since I am here willing to support you.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Thank you for your trust.

Rafael M.T.Therapist, Family Counselor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
Rafael M.T.Therapist and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you

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