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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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My son is 14. He is a good kid. He lived with his mom for several

Customer Question

My son is 14. He is a good kid. He lived with his mom for several years and with her he was in aprx 5 school districts until he was in 5th grade. She move around a lot and eventually I got custody of him and he has been in the same school and doing well since 5th grade. Because of all of his moving around and he also has /had ADD... His social skills seemed a little behind what I think is normal for a 14 year old. My concern now is he has a girl friend and she seems to be ahead of her time and has a potty mouth. She is a huge distraction for him and I happen to know he talks to two girls on FB and its all " I love you baby and sex talk and such" I'm not sure how to handle it. My wife (his step mom) wants me to stop him from all contact with this girl that goes to the same school. I have daughters and I would be irate if my daughter acted the way she does. I have more experience raising girls than boys. I don't want him to hate me but he went to her house the other day and he lied about it and I found out he had shaved him self in the private area. Now that scares the heck out of me. I'm 37 I don't want to be Grandfather and I wish I could just stop and forbid him without him hating me.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Dear friend,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I believe that I can help with this situation.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I know that you are very distraught by his very open sexual behavior.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Sadly, this is much too commonplace because of the way sex is promoted at every turn on the media, and on the internet.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Sometimes being tough with your children is difficult. You can still set rules but spend more quality time with him. Even if you forbid TV or restrict the internet, he will hear it all and learn it all from his peers.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Many 14 year old children are already sexually active.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

It will be the same from almost one school to another unless you send him to supervised Christian school or other conservative private school.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Unfortunately, the cat is already out of the bag and he cannot un-learn what he knows or has possibly experienced.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Do your best to explain to him that although he is physically old enough for sex and that even if other children are experimenting with it, he can no longer take those risks of pregnancy and getting a bad disease.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

The best approach is, while restricting access to porn sites on the computer and monitoring his video and TV choices, spent more quality time with him on outings, sports, day trips, etc.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If you go on outings with your friends (fishing, hiking, etc), include him.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Don't punish him. DIstract him and give him lots of love.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He will not hate you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I wish you great success and shall keep you in my prayers.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Warm regards,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC

Customer:

I was hoping for a woman's point of view since his real mom is absent and his step mom ......well ... is his step mom. He is the only boy I have and I have plenty of experience raising girls. My mom and the women in my life like my sisters who have boys, would be the most vocal on a 14 yro boys behavior when it comes to girls and sex. I felt the answer from Elliot had some religious connotations and felt less like a doctors answer. I would give this answer a positive rating anyway because I do need to spend more time with him. Knowing a woman's perspective would be helpful but I'm unemployed and Im not spending another $22

Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and 2 other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Dear Bill,

Hopefully a woman will pick this up. My answer was based on science and ot religion.

My prayers to your family have nothing to do with the answer I gave you, which is based on research.

Warm regards,

Elliott

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