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llw26
llw26, Psychology Doctoral Student
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 62
Experience:  I have worked with children over the last 6 years ranging from severe emotional problems to daily living problems.
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Parenting dysfunction in children is permissive parenting or

Resolved Question:

dysfunction in children is a result of parents never having modelled or given obligations, expectations, disappointments, limitations, or of the parents not being attuned to their kids enough?...not sure if i can ask a question like this because i have a subscription...Tell me how i can,,,,,


IN any case, i would like to be also pointed to some literature or websites or good reading,,,,or sites on on how to pick a therapist? I don't want to have any cristian type or religious type counseling.. i rather keep religion out of it,, and call it structure..


Building a moral conscience is more what i  prefer 

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Josie-Mod replied 1 year ago.

Hello,

I'm Josie and I'm a moderator for this topic.

We have been working with our professionals to try to help you with your question. Sometimes it may take a bit of time to find the right fit.

I was checking to see if you had already found your answer or if you still need assistance from one of our professionals.

Please let me know if you wish to continue waiting or if you would like for us to close your question?

Also remember that JustAnswer has a multitude of categories to help you with all your needs from Pet to Legal.

Thank you,

Josie~Moderator

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

i would love a response as this subject is of great concern to me. ...I would like to be pointed to some reading material or to have an answer that addresses the conflict on the causes of this dilemma or topic.. My question might be unclear? What do you think? ...

 

You may also correct the subject line and seperate the word "parenting dysfunction" please...

 

or reword the subject line to read;

 

parenting struggles caused by permissive parenting or lack of attunement?

 

Expert:  Josie-Mod replied 1 year ago.
Hello

Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX continue to look for a professional to assist you. Please let me know if I can be of any further assistance while you wait.

Best,
Josie~Moderator
Expert:  llw26 replied 1 year ago.
Hello! My name is XXXXX XXXXX I hope I can assist you; however, I am a little unclear as to what your question is (I understand you want some materials on a certain topic, but I am unclear as to what that topic is).
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
The topic is what type of parenting results in dysfunctional adults. Is it lack of attunement of the parents in regards XXXXX XXXXX children's "feelings" or parents themselves having no clear idea of what their role is as parents. Therefor no inner guide, resulting in no modeling or no boundedies or rules or limits or expectations being placed on the family or the kids. So that the result is permissive parenting.

I would like literature or some material that goes deeper into how perhaps it's not always about a parent being a good listener but a parent that has a vision of what it means to be a well rounded person, and having a parenting plan for getting there.

And what would that look like?

Does that give you an idea of the type of material I would like to read?

I don't know what this would fall under except for parenting.
Expert:  llw26 replied 1 year ago.
Yes, this helps! Additionally, is there a specific dysfunctional aspect of adults you're looking for, or just general dysfunction (what I mean is do you want to know how people develop personality disorders or depression/anxiety)?

There are generally many reasons as to why parents parent the way they do and why children end up the way they do -- there has always been the question of nature versus nurture. Are children born "bad" or do their parents create their "bad" habits.

Give me a few moments and I will get together some reading materials for you.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

"is there a specific dysfunctional aspect of adults you're looking for, or just general dysfunction (what I mean is do you want to know how people develop personality disorders or depression/anxiety)?"


 


i am looking more for how parents can notice or be alerted to what they are doing in the NOW that is contributing to their teens dysfunction, which will inevitably result in them becoming dysfunctional struggling depressed or addicted adults....(in varying degrees)


 


Are children born "bad" or .........do their parents create their "bad" habits.


 


I am trying to determine if as parents, we are not attuned to our childrens feelings enough or we are TOO attuned that we are not aware of any expectations, or limits, bounderies and obligations for them.....or awareness of our own values in order to know what to model to them.


 


As a result, the parents have no goal so how can they model so how can their kids know what is expected of them. SO all this freedom has the result of lots of time on their hands.


 


IM looking for some literature or writing that goes deep into this. I have a book called by William Damon called Greater Expectations, but i am wondering if there is anything shorter that goes more into comparing wether kids go astray because of too much attention, and how significant is parental bonding or attunement. And what does it mean to "KNOW your kids"...


 


Reasons being that I have witnessed that Asians don't have much of display of bonding or connecting or verbal affirmations of their love to their children and vise versa, yet their kids are successful and appear to be for the most part, more disciplined to handle the ups and downs of life and excel in school....(well the generations before this one did)

Expert:  llw26 replied 1 year ago.
Okay, thank you for further explaining you question.

The Explosive Child by Ross W. Greene is a good one that explains how to understand "difficult" children. This is the best one and I've used it many times with the children and parents I've worked with.

Another is What Angry Kids Need by Jennifer A. Brown. This talks about how to parent a child with anger issues.

I will continue looking for more books on attachment and get back with you.

The Boy who was Raised as a Dog by XXXXX XXXXX does a good job of explaining stories of how children develop different problems in their lives.
llw26, Psychology Doctoral Student
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 62
Experience: I have worked with children over the last 6 years ranging from severe emotional problems to daily living problems.
llw26 and 2 other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  llw26 replied 12 months ago.
Okay, here is a book one of my professors uses (she follows attachment theory and is a child and adolescent therapist): Attachment in Psychotherapy By: David Wallin

I am not sure if this book would be helpful to further answer you questions, but it looked like one that someone would use if they were going to be a parent. The attachment parenting book: A commonsense guide to understanding and nurturing your baby By: William Sears and Martha Sears

If you also google Bruce Perry -- he has a lot of excellent publications on childhood development. Another good researcher is Bessel van der Kolk.

Please let me know if you want additional information and I will be glad to assist!
Customer: replied 12 months ago.

AWESOME... i have read Sears books 20 years ago...lol and gone to see Van Der kolk in person at lectures on the brain in nyc and tarrytown..........i think i goofed somehow in spite of my efforts ....but thanks again,,,will check out all that you recommended

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