dysfunction in children is a result of parents never having modelled or given obligations, expectations, disappointments, limitations, or of the parents not being attuned to their kids enough?...not sure if i can ask a question like this because i have a subscription...Tell me how i can,,,,,
IN any case, i would like to be also pointed to some literature or websites or good reading,,,,or sites on on how to pick a therapist? I don't want to have any cristian type or religious type counseling.. i rather keep religion out of it,, and call it structure..
Building a moral conscience is more what i prefer
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i would love a response as this subject is of great concern to me. ...I would like to be pointed to some reading material or to have an answer that addresses the conflict on the causes of this dilemma or topic.. My question might be unclear? What do you think? ...
You may also correct the subject line and seperate the word "parenting dysfunction" please...
or reword the subject line to read;
parenting struggles caused by permissive parenting or lack of attunement?
"is there a specific dysfunctional aspect of adults you're looking for, or just general dysfunction (what I mean is do you want to know how people develop personality disorders or depression/anxiety)?"
i am looking more for how parents can notice or be alerted to what they are doing in the NOW that is contributing to their teens dysfunction, which will inevitably result in them becoming dysfunctional struggling depressed or addicted adults....(in varying degrees)
Are children born "bad" or .........do their parents create their "bad" habits.
I am trying to determine if as parents, we are not attuned to our childrens feelings enough or we are TOO attuned that we are not aware of any expectations, or limits, bounderies and obligations for them.....or awareness of our own values in order to know what to model to them.
As a result, the parents have no goal so how can they model so how can their kids know what is expected of them. SO all this freedom has the result of lots of time on their hands.
IM looking for some literature or writing that goes deep into this. I have a book called by William Damon called Greater Expectations, but i am wondering if there is anything shorter that goes more into comparing wether kids go astray because of too much attention, and how significant is parental bonding or attunement. And what does it mean to "KNOW your kids"...
Reasons being that I have witnessed that Asians don't have much of display of bonding or connecting or verbal affirmations of their love to their children and vise versa, yet their kids are successful and appear to be for the most part, more disciplined to handle the ups and downs of life and excel in school....(well the generations before this one did)
AWESOME... i have read Sears books 20 years ago...lol and gone to see Van Der kolk in person at lectures on the brain in nyc and tarrytown..........i think i goofed somehow in spite of my efforts ....but thanks again,,,will check out all that you recommended