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Ask NormanM Your Own Question

NormanM, Author, lecturer and psychotherapist.
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 2568
Experience:  ADHP(NC), DHP, ECP, UKCP Registered
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My son is 4 1/2. He recently has been acting up and got kicked

Customer Question

My son is 4 1/2. He recently has been acting up and got kicked out of daycare for bad behavior. His dad n I have joint legal n physical custody n I'm the custodial parent. His father got a new gr and moved in with her and her two older sons and this is when he started acting up is when he started going to the new place with all those changes. Can I keep him from going there? He also won't tell me me where he lives or report it. He also quit his job and quit paying child support
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  NormanM replied 3 years ago.
It is probable that your son is very anxious about his Dad not being there, and that is understandable. What he needs right now is lots of loves, cuddles and reassurance that his Dad still loves him, and that for grown up reasons, you and his Dad cannot be together. He also needs to be sure that you will never, ever abandoned him.

His reactions in school are most likely a reaction of anger to his perception of being abandoned by his father

It is essential that you do not run down his dad in front of him, or to friends when he is around, becaues he WILL pick up on it and lose trust.

The other side of the issue is more a legal than a relationship question, and you would be well advised to get legal advice on (a) how to get child support reinstated and (b) exactly what your rights are if you wish to restrict his access to his Dad, or his Dad´s access to him. It might also be worth discussing whether or his Dad´s place of residence is in fact a suitable place to visit.

If his father is not dealt with strictly, the situation could deteriorate. He has already "taken and inch" with the chilñd support issue -just make sure he cannot take a mile!
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Thats what im most afraid of is his fathers place he visits is not suitable to visit. His father has moved to e3 different places in a year whereas where i live, hes lived for 2 1/2 yrs just him, his brother and i. but this is all becoming a problem because hes being kicked out of daycare risking my employment.

Expert:  NormanM replied 3 years ago.
Ok. I think you need to explain to the daycare center the reasons for your son´s behavior, and explain to them that you are putting things into place to minimize the problem.

I suggest too that you contact your local social services/childcare department (sometimes called Health and Human Services.) and tell them about your concerns concerning the father´s living environment as well as taking the legal advice I suggested.

They may well also be able to help manage the behavioral issues, and speak on your behalf to the child care center.

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

His father has now made a false claim to cops that i beat my child. He said my son also said it. This is the second time he tried to get my son to lie. The officer told me when he looked and took pictures that there was no marks or evidence on his body. This issue with his father is not deteriorating. Im gonna bring this up to his therapist but what are my options here.

Expert:  NormanM replied 3 years ago.
Sorry, can you clarify something for me - you said you are going to bring this up with his therapist. Can you give me a bit of background on this, please?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Bring up the issue that his father is claiming tjat i hit himeven though theres no evidence. Maybe the therapist can get out of my son what is going on and why he said that. His dad manipulates his head to try and get him to lie. Not hard with a four yr old. i worry for my sons safetyat his dads house and would like to keep him with me till his dad brings me to court.

Expert:  NormanM replied 3 years ago.

I think that you MUST discuss this with your therapist. Secondly, can you make sure that you take some photos with the camera showing date and time before each visit to his Dad, so that you have ongoing concrete evidence.


Also, check with your legal advisor as to your rights as custodial parent, and explain to him or her your fears about the little one visiting his Dad. Perhaps his Dad´s access can be limited to your home.

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