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camd2000
camd2000, Parent Coach/Therapist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 13
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Child and Family Therapist, Parent Educator and Mother.
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I am a 28 year old father, with an 8 year old daughter, who

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I am a 28 year old father, with an 8 year old daughter, who has been divorced for about 5 years. Unfortunately, several years ago I decided to go to school in a different state. From then, until several months ago, my relationship with my daughter has been sparse. Feeling overwhelmed with conviction, I moved back to where she lives to re-establish my fatherhood. Before leaving for out-of-state schooling, my daughter and I had a wonderful bond. Although now, she is seemingly quite upset with me according to the mother who won't let me see her nor talk to her now. I have been trying since I moved back in June. I pay child support and I have insurance on her as I am suppose to. I have hired an attorney to help me enforce my rights to my daughter. This will happen in another month. I understand that this will be a sensitive situation for a while until i can regain love and trust from my daughter. I would really like some pointers on how to go about being a parent to her again. She is fragile and I'm sure she harbors a lot of resentment. I need a little professional help to prepare for the reuniting.

camd2000 :

Hi and thank you for contacting Just Answer. I hope that I can help you today.

camd2000 :

I understand that you are in a delicate situation. It sounds like you made an important step to move back.

camd2000 :

To be closer to your daughter. Do you have any visits with her at all? Who determines whether she is able to visit? Is her mother deciding or does your daughter have some say?

camd2000 :

Sometimes things get a little tricky when custody/visitation issues are in question and when there are attorneys involved. So, it is important to try and limit the tension and work together with her mother as much as possible. Children often pick up on the tension and this may impact your relationship with her. I think you are also on the right track of giving her some time to regain your trust. I would start slowly and not push visitation time. Instead, invite her to do something low key that she would like to do, once a week. Make sure it is up to her whether to say yes or not. Keep the initial visits short and then lengthen them if she expresses interest or if things improve. Again, have fun and try and keep it light at least at first (unless she brings up something more serious). Once you are enjoying each other's company you can try and initiate (if she hasn't already) a conversation about how she might feel about the time you were away. You can say something like, "I am sure you are upset with me for moving away. It was something I needed to do and I missed you and thought about you all the time. No matter where I am, you are important to me, I love you and I will always be your father. I moved back in the hopes that we could spend more time together. If you would like that." You don't need to say all of that at once - it might be too much for an eight year old all at once. But those are just some ideas. I hope this has been helpful. Please feel free to ask any follow up questions. I wish you the best of luck!

Customer:

Well, according to her mother she doesn't want to speak with me or see me at all. I don't know if her decisions are based solely on my behavior or if they have been altered or influenced by her mother. Either way, there is obviously barrier. The last time I spoke with her was on her birthday in February and she was vague and shut off. I am suppose to exercise a standard visitation according to Texas, which is every first, third, and fifth weekend. Along with every Thursday being a couple hours in the evening. As I said, the mother is withholding these visits from me. I am doing all I can to make this as amicable as possible. But I must put my foot down somewhere with my ex in order to start building my daughters' and

Customer:

I relationship.

camd2000 and 2 other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Hi Ryan,

I wanted to check in and see how things are going. Have you been able to get any more visits with your daughter? Do you have any follow up questions?

Best,
Kerrie

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