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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 7663
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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my daughter 40 married to a cardiologist who is controlling

Customer Question

my daughter 40 married to a cardiologist who is controlling arrogant and condescending and lazy. He is an excellent son, providing his family with money and support, especially since his dad works part time and has a bad gambling problem. His mom is a nurse and doing her best to support. We noticed that last few years jill and raj have went way overboard supporting them, paying for beach vacations, and recently free Disney with the family . We were invited, but had to pay our way. We refused. The last seven years they have been married i have pointed out to jill that she is favoring her inlaws, and never ever gave anything to us. ( I wudnt have accepted) They don't come home for mothers or fathers day. I am not assertive in pushing for equal, but am tired of this. Also , raj is into buying great beach house, and not considering in twelve ye.ars kids will be ready for college? He kids us not to spend our money that he needs it for college tuition. I need advice on my attitude toward them, and what about trust fund. for grandkids? Is this fair to Jill and Raj? Shud I tell them? Shud I fade away and put my money and efforts in other two sons? I really want to be a fair and loving mother, but I think she is just like her husband. What did I do wrong? This woman didn't come from me!
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Dear friend,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You have no need to support this family, and by extension, support Raj's parents.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Put your money with your other children. Let them know about the trust fund. It is up to them to take care of their children. College before beach house.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You did not teach your daughter this kind of behavior but she is married to a narcissist and follows him, to her detriment, and to yours.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Back off and let her come to her senses or not. Don't try to argue or change them or make an issue about this. It will only waste your energy and bring you down.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Warm regards,

Customer:

dear Elliott, your advice is great! do you agree I should continue to help with babysitting , so as not to be a jerk, but act nonconfrontation

Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 7663
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Of course you should continue to be a caring grandparent. Don't withdraw your love but just your money. Enjoy those grandchildren and bond with them.

If the parents are irresponsible in future you may have to back them up. Keep the door open to them and don't make an issue with them about this. Just act more prudently when it comes to finances. They are well-heeled and can and should take care of things, and probably will without your supplementing them or his parents.

God bless your family.

Elliott
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Thank you. May God bless your family.

Elliott

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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
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35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.