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JACUSTOMER-jkqny9ef-
JACUSTOMER-jkqny9ef-, Teacher
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 20
Experience:  K-12 teacher w/ licenses from NV, FL and OH
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What is the current belief about children having a hyphenated

Resolved Question:

What is the current belief about children having a hyphenated surname so that both parents names are XXXXX XXXXX the child?

I am an unmarried mother with other children that have my last name. I do not want this child to feel left out that they do not share the same last name as me or their siblings. But the father of this baby is insisting that I include his last name in the baby's last name.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  JACUSTOMER-jkqny9ef- replied 1 year ago.

JACUSTOMER-jkqny9ef- :

Hi how are you today?

JACUSTOMER-jkqny9ef- :

I hope that I can help you with your question.

Customer:

Good thank you

JACUSTOMER-jkqny9ef- :

This is a two-fold question.

JACUSTOMER-jkqny9ef- :

In regards XXXXX XXXXX name itself, your child will accept whatever name you embrace for them

JACUSTOMER-jkqny9ef- :

Things to consider are entering school.

JACUSTOMER-jkqny9ef- :

Learning to write a long last name.

JACUSTOMER-jkqny9ef- :

Mixed or blended family are so common now that it is not uncommon to have a name that is hyphenated.

JACUSTOMER-jkqny9ef- :

It is also common to have the child's legal name hyphenated, however embrace one or the other for day to day encounters.

Customer:

I agree with all of that. I do not want him to think he is odd one out. He will have four siblings and my name with a different last name. California law says mom can give any surname, but when it comes to court, that is a different story and more judges are giving in to hyphenated.

Customer:

But I have read that it is not about fathers or any parents pride about name, it should be about child not feeling part of family.

Customer:

Is there a way I can find a expert to write a letter to this fact? How would I go about doing that?

JACUSTOMER-jkqny9ef- :

Can the father have the middle name

JACUSTOMER-jkqny9ef- :

There are some research articles that would bolster both sides of this.

Customer:

I have no problem doing that as his middle name. Its whether I can prove to judge that I believe that is best interest of child.

JACUSTOMER-jkqny9ef- :

The child should identify with the family, however not respecting that he is his father's son may raise other issues.

JACUSTOMER-jkqny9ef- :

Would the father agree to the middle name, that would be the question.

JACUSTOMER-jkqny9ef- :

Do you know why the father wants his name to be included.

Customer:

That is why I would like to be armed with a letter from a respected expert saying there is no isue with child having middle name as fathers etc.

JACUSTOMER-jkqny9ef- :

Is it simply a pride issue or is it a legal move.

Customer:

For the father?

Customer:

What kind of expert would I look for to write me a letter?

JACUSTOMER-jkqny9ef- :

I would go to a psychologist

JACUSTOMER-jkqny9ef- :

I am struggling to think that they would give you a letter.

Customer:

Yes it is. he doesn't understand the benefits or its 2013. In 2013, people are unmarried, even when they do get married a lot of women keep maiden name etc. or they hyphenate. i would think hyphenated is a pain from what I am seeing. Computers only have so many characters in school program or at Dr office etc. He isn't going to any Dr appts etc. It is just so he can "claim. Doesnt care that he will feel left out why his other brothers and sisters have a different last name.

JACUSTOMER-jkqny9ef- :

They would most like not want to allow the liability for any future issues.

JACUSTOMER-jkqny9ef- :

sp 'most likely'

Customer:

OK, I will check into going to a psychologist and seeing what I can come up with. I think honestly law is tricky. We would not have this discussion if they stuck to law. Law says mom can name any surname, but then a father can take mom to court to have it changed and depending in judges own belief or mood that day, they can change name.

JACUSTOMER-jkqny9ef- :

It is a tough line to follow and I agree with you that for technical issues where the last name is XXXXX XXXXX long name does pose issues. If at all possible, I would attempt to engage the father with a compromise. Allow him the choice of any middle name.

JACUSTOMER-jkqny9ef- :

The father's first name, his father's name.

Customer:

Yes I tried and he doesn't want any of it, except last name.

Customer:

Thank you for your help. I will try to look for expert. I know they have experts write a letter for lots of things, and I don't see why this subject would be any different.

JACUSTOMER-jkqny9ef- :

It is definitely worth a shot. I am sorry that I couldn't be more help. I hope that your issue is resolved in a manner that allows both parents to have influence in a positive manner moving forward with your child.

JACUSTOMER-jkqny9ef-, Teacher
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 20
Experience: K-12 teacher w/ licenses from NV, FL and OH
JACUSTOMER-jkqny9ef- and 2 other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you

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