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Ask Coach Jen K. Your Own Question

Coach Jen K.
Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1715
Experience:  Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Coach Mom of Twins.
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My three year old has always went to bed with no problems.

Customer Question

My three year old has always went to bed with no problems. Recently he began large tantrums and crying at bedtime and if he wakes up in the middle of the night. After we leave the room they usually last 10-30 minutes before he goes back to sleep. We have had the same successful bedtime routine and time since he and his twin sister were one year old. Before leaving the room we reassure him that everything is OK and we are not far away. Is there anything else we could be doing and are we doing the wrong thing by letting him work it out after we leave the room?
Submitted: 8 months ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 8 months ago.

CoachJenK :

Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families. I am also a mom of Twins.

CoachJenK :

I think you are doing a great job. This is not uncommon what he is going through.

CoachJenK :

Even when you have had successful bedtime routines things can change as he grows and matures...fears develop, bad dreams happen and a better sense of the world around him.

CoachJenK :

All of these things can contribute to more difficult times around sleep times. The good news about what you said is that he is able to fall back asleep, even if it is taking a bit of time.

CoachJenK :

Are there any other significant changes in his life that could also be causing some bed time anxiety?

CoachJenK :

If there are other changes during the day this could be a contributing factor.

CoachJenK :

I will wait for you to come online so we can go through it.

Customer:

He has recently started wearing underwear full time during the day and he also started speech therapy last week.

CoachJenK :

The underwear signifies him growing up and more independence which can certainly encourage some fears and worries. It makes sense.

CoachJenK :

so he backslides a bit at night.

CoachJenK :

Loving support as you have been giving him most likely will give him the encouragement he needs to continue with these very big steps

CoachJenK :

a few extra minutes of story time and reassurance may go a long way.

CoachJenK :

but I can hear that you have been doing all great things with him and I believe he will settle into his new independence well.

CoachJenK :

This is very common and nothing to be alarmed about.

Customer:

My main concern is doing any emotional damage to him by letting him work it out on his own.

CoachJenK :

Actually what you are giving him is the sense that he can achieve it and he is doing that evidenced by his falling back to sleep.

CoachJenK :

this does not cause damage and enhances his sense of self as he begins to see that he can comfort himself.

CoachJenK :

lots of love and hugs and reassurance during the day and before bed and then he is showing you he can do it at night.

CoachJenK :

independence can be scary so he is reacting to that all the while still doing it.

CoachJenK :

make sense?

Customer:

Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX keep working with him.

Customer:

Yes, it does make sense I just wanted to hear professional reassurance.

CoachJenK :

I am glad I was able to give you that. Feel free to come back and request me anytime to keep me posted or for more support.

CoachJenK :

Please take a moment to offer a rating of my work.

Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1715
Experience: Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Coach Mom of Twins.
Coach Jen K. and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you

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