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Ask Coach Jen K. Your Own Question

Coach Jen K.
Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1744
Experience:  Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Coach Mom of Twins.
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My 17 year old daughter has a byfriend which we love. I made

Resolved Question:

My 17 year old daughter has a byfriend which we love. I made a mistake in ketting him sleep over once and now, the sleep together everyday. They are like icing on a cake, I don't know what to do? Please HELP. My husband is upset at me for allowing this. She is a great kid and so is he, how do I approach this?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 1 year ago.

CoachJenK :

Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families. I am also a mom of Twins.

CoachJenK :

I think a family talk about this is the way to go....

CoachJenK :

sitting down with both of them and letting them know that you made a decision which you believe was not a great one.

Customer:

Hello

CoachJenK :

you love them both and their relationship but that the sleepovers should not be a part of things right now.

CoachJenK :

what do his parents feel about it?

Customer:

Ok. but how about if she wants to move out?

CoachJenK :

do you think that is a possibility?

CoachJenK :

has she indicated that?

Customer:

Well, she told me that he is her life and they are one. In additon, she also metioned, that she does not care about money nor her car.

CoachJenK :

ok, well she may feel that until she really has to live in that way.

CoachJenK :

I would sit with them and be open with them that you want her to remain in your home but with some better boundaries around this issue

CoachJenK :

She is 17 and still needs to abide by what you say

CoachJenK :

once she is 18 then she can make those decisions and have to live by them.

CoachJenK :

I would enlist his parents as well in this.

CoachJenK :

Where do they stand on this issue?

Customer:

He is from a lower class family and we are not. My husband is a doctor and we are well off. Do you think, I should take my chances and tell them to do what ever they whsh? or should I let her know, she is under age?

CoachJenK :

I would absolutely remind her that she is under age and while you support this relationship you do not support her moving out or him sleeping over each night.

CoachJenK :

If she still leaves she will see this hard road rather quickly

CoachJenK :

I would sit with both of them and with your husband and have an open and honest discussion about their relationship and what your rules are around this.

Customer:

His parents, probably think as I do. I will sit with them tonight and speak to both of them.

CoachJenK :

As hard as it would be, if it were me, and she still decided to go, I would let her live the hard life for a while until she realizes that is not what she truly wants.

Customer:

Ok, thanks.

CoachJenK :

Excellent. The more you have on board and are on the same page the less alone you will feel and you can all make decisions together.

CoachJenK :

You sound like a loving mom and let that come across as well

Customer:

The other thing is that he has no money and my dughter is always asking me for money to pay for food, movies etc. SHould I stop?

CoachJenK :

The good news is you love the boyfriend....that could make it a lot worse if he wasnt a good guy

Customer:

He just got a part time job at CVS

CoachJenK :

The more you give the money the more you enable.

CoachJenK :

She needs a job so she can have some spending money

Customer:

He is poor but, great guy!! does'nt drink, no drugs and only like to party once in a while. We love that

Customer:

Ok, that's so much for your time.

CoachJenK :

yes he sounds lovely and that is why I think he just might get it if you talk to him and ask him how he would feel if he had a daughter...he just might be able to see it from your point of view.

CoachJenK :

my pleasure....come back to me anytime.

Customer:

Bye

CoachJenK :

please take a moment to offer a rating of my support for you

Customer:

I am

Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1744
Experience: Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Coach Mom of Twins.
Coach Jen K. and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you

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