I can help you today.
It looks like you have gone offline so I will leave my response for you to reply to when you are back online. We can then arrange a time to chat
First of all having four children at different developmental stages can be overwhelming on its own, add disabilities to the mix and I understand completely why you are having a difficult time. What is jumping out to me is the behavior of your six year old, can you tell me in more detail how you respond to him when he has lost control and is hurting others. I would like more information so I can best help you.Tell me about therapies he has had or is having. I will check back in later today and hopefully you will have responded. Without more information I can only cautiously suggest outside therapy to help your son deal with his behaviors. I am sorry you were not online.
Thanks for the additional information. There is a subset in children with selected mutism where oppositional behavior is exhibited. One of the therapies that seems to have success in helping control and improve behavior is cognitive behavioral therapy and that may be something you want to look into for him. The anxiety component becomes exacerbated and situations get out of control and bad behavior
I bet you are, where is he "mute" school? home? any particular situation?
There is a national organization, a grassroots organization that can help you while you wait for intervention, called National Alliance on Mental Illness. The web site is www.nami.org. They have chapters all over the country and can at least give you some help while you wait. Has he had a school evaluation yet?
So he is "shy" around people he doesn't know? Classic symptom, who gave you the diagnosis?
So he did have the evaluation, I would suggest you contact nami.org and get some help. Where do you live? state?
There is no one overall approach, but I would ignore the bad behavior, if he is attacking someone physically, say nothing but pick him up and put him in a safe space, don't yell or talk, just move him. ....if you have to wrap yourself around him do so, he'll get the message.....You can also have him help make up another chart for behavior, let him have input and do not let him "see" you being frustrated (I know hard to do), maybe try a relaxation CD with him, give him responsibility that he'll like. Sometimes saying nothing, taking a deep breath and going about whatever you are doing is best. He may, at first, act out even more but once he realizes (and once he learns in behavioral therapy) the rules you will see a difference. REaction is what he is looking for, his anxiety needs to be addressed (again in therapy) .
Perhaps get him a some cool ear phones so he can listen to "his" CD. There are tons out there for kids. You have done most of what is recommended 123 magic I love as long as it is followed. Hit 3 and it's over, if you have to turn your car around and go home or whatever it is, consistency is key.
I hope this helped give you a place to start while you wait. Please let me know if I can help in the future. Dr. Keane
Sorry I had computer problem which I just managed to rectify. As for the other children, tell them what you plan on doing, in fact tell all of them that negative behaviors will be ignored. They can all be part of the plan, incorporate it into 1-2-3 and use it with all them. As for your sanity, contact nami.org and they can set you up with some help. Again, apologies for the long wait. Good luck !