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Bonnie, Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 2189
Experience:  and pediatric nurse practitioner with 30 years of experience counseling parents.
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Hello, I was wondering anyway to make my 12 year old daughter

Customer Question


I was wondering anyway to make my 12 year old daughter stop teasing me in public? I know she is just trying to I guess fit in when we are with other adults, but it is usually at my expense and I think it makes her look Bratty.

I know I've seen other kids do this same thing and I always thought, "Wow! why doesn't her mother do something?" Example "Oh Mom! You really aren't a very good driver! You go way to slow like an old lady!" Then of course, at first everyone laughs so she goes on.

Like I said, I know she just wants to participate with the adult conversations, and she really is a great, well behaved kid otherwise.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Bonnie replied 3 years ago.
Hello and thank you for consulting JA,
This would be a good situation for using a strategy that is taught in therapy called an "I-Statement". This strategy is taught to improve communication in many types of relationships (i.e., couple, parent-child).

You would say something like this: "I feel ____ when you tease me in public. I would like you to stop doing that. In return, I will try hard to remember that I should not criticize you in public either." This type of statement is designed to teach daughter the effect her behavior has on you, is clear about what you want her to do, and let's her know you want to sensitive to her feelings too.

I know that what you really mean is "I feel that you look bad when you tease me in public".......but it will be more effective to describe your own internal feeling such as "I feel embarrassed when" or "I feel bad when".

I hope this strategy will help you in this situation and in many others...
Warm regards
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

I don't know... this is a little too text book for my extremely mature 12 year old. The phrasing I think would hurt her feelings and make her cry for the idea she makes me feel bad. I understand, this is probably not easy as you don't know her, but I will welcome advice and give you good rating. Thank You!

Expert:  Bonnie replied 3 years ago.
Well I am actually glad to hear that she would feel bad for hurting your feelings. That means that this is a sure way to get her to stop teasing you in public. She does need to know that what she is doing might be hurtful so that she does not tease others even if she is upset temporarily.

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