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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Family Counselor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 3191
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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My husband and I have recently seperated, and all in one month

Customer Question

My husband and I have recently seperated, and all in one month my 5 and 3 year old started daycare for the first time because I work full time. The kiddos live with me, and see thier daddy on the weekend. My question is, my oldest son is consistently telling me he loves me, wants to cuddle more ect. I dont mind a bit, I love it, but I'm worried. Do you think he is becoming insecure? I know this is a suden change for them. There entire life changed in one month, were not even living in the home there so used to because thier daddy wanted it. Any advice is welcome. I love them and don't want them to be damaged by this at all, they mean the world to me.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 3 years ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to know about your recent separation. It is never easy to face a situation like this, since it is not only spouses but children who separate from the initial family unit that protected and was raising them.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

But it is also true that when marriages become dysfunctional because of different reasons and both spouses do not have what it takes to be and feel happy, secure, supported, respected and loved in the relationship, then it's much better not to expose children to such dysfunctions but to focus on rebuilding their lives while doing their best to love and support their children.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

As human beings we all get affected by life changes, issues and challenges, but what makes the difference between something tough but constructive, and something unhealthy and destructive is how assertively each parent cope and take care of self and of their children under new circumstances.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Attending daycare for the first time uses to be a real challenge for most children, because it challenges the attachment they have been developing, and pushes them to start trusting other people, knowing that it is fine and safe not to have their parents right day with them 24/7, that there are other people they need to share with, from children to adults, and that they need to learn how to socialize and cope with all the new things, challenges it presents.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

If each of you show consistent healthy love, discipline, sharing enough quality time, meeting their core needs and expectation around learning, having fun, bonding, and more; whiel taking good care of your personal lives, then everything should be fine.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

One thing many parents dismiss when under similar circumstances is the fact that they ignore or do not take into account, how their personal health and well-being deeply shape their children's personalities, mood, behavior and whole lives. Thus there is no way for a parent to truly take good care of a child, without taking good care of her/himself too. because of this, I invite parents in your shoes to focus on your own healing/rehabilitation process from past marital dysfunction and any mental health problem it could have created, from depression to anxiety, excessive fears or attachments or any other feeling-tendency that would not help them be and feel good.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Your support system does play a key role in this process, and that's why it is so important to keep receiving all the help they could provide during the initial stages of this transition in your lives (including healthy family and close friends). Support groups and individual - family counseling are ideal sources of support as necessary, which should be considered if having a hard time coping, healing and growing from a big life change like this.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Does it make sense?

Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 3 years ago.
Rafael M.T.Therapist says:7:41 AM

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

7:43 AM

I am very sorry to know about your recent separation. It is never easy to face a situation like this, since it is not only spouses but children who separate from the initial family unit that protected and was raising them.

7:45 AM

But it is also true that when marriages become dysfunctional because of different reasons and both spouses do not have what it takes to be and feel happy, secure, supported, respected and loved in the relationship, then it's much better not to expose children to such dysfunctions but to focus on rebuilding their lives while doing their best to love and support their children.

7:47 AM

As human beings we all get affected by life changes, issues and challenges, but what makes the difference between something tough but constructive, and something unhealthy and destructive is how assertively each parent cope and take care of self and of their children under new circumstances.

7:50 AM

Attending daycare for the first time uses to be a real challenge for most children, because it challenges the attachment they have been developing, and pushes them to start trusting other people, knowing that it is fine and safe not to have their parents right day with them 24/7, that there are other people they need to share with, from children to adults, and that they need to learn how to socialize and cope with all the new things, challenges it presents.

7:51 AM

If each of you show consistent healthy love, discipline, sharing enough quality time, meeting their core needs and expectation around learning, having fun, bonding, and more; while taking good care of your personal lives, then everything should be fine.

7:55 AM

One thing many parents dismiss when under similar circumstances is the fact that they ignore or do not take into account, how their personal health and well-being deeply shape their children's personalities, mood, behavior and whole lives. Thus there is no way for a parent to truly take good care of a child, without taking good care of her/himself too. because of this, I invite parents in your shoes to focus on your own healing/rehabilitation process from past marital dysfunction and any mental health problem it could have created, from depression to anxiety, excessive fears or attachments or any other feeling-tendency that would not help them be and feel good.

7:58 AM

Your support system does play a key role in this process, and that's why it is so important to keep receiving all the help they could provide during the initial stages of this transition in your lives (including healthy family and close friends). Support groups and individual - family counseling are ideal sources of support as necessary, which should be considered if having a hard time coping, healing and growing from a big life change like this.

7:58 AM

Does it make sense?

Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 3 years ago.
Hello

I see you were able to read my response but have not replied and rated it as "poor service". I';d truly appreciate if you could reply for me to know and understand better your situation, and from there provide a more complete and specific feedback, impossible without dialogue.

As a professional I do my best to answer questions at JustAnswers with respect and willingness to support customers as much as possible, and it's frustrating not to get any reply from customers but a negative rate without any feedback.

I truly hope your situation improves.

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