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Bonnie, Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 2189
Experience:  and pediatric nurse practitioner with 30 years of experience counseling parents.
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I have an amazing nanny and she is bonding with my 4 month

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I have an amazing nanny and she is bonding with my 4 month old very well. He seems to reciprocate her love and they seem to be enjoying themselves. I feel like I am missing out and I am mortified about what would happen if he starts to love her more? Will he know that I am his mom? I spend all the time away from work with him. Please advice. (ALso, my baby doesnt latch on to my breast so I had to pump and feed him all this while and he is used to that.. He mostly feeds when he is half asleep.) I play a lot with him but I miss him so much.
Hello and thank you for being such a loyal JA customer,
I am sorry this situation is causing you so much distress. You must have very mixed and confusing feelings. On the one had you certainly are lucky to have such a good Nanny and this is ideal to have baby responding to her....but....your worried about baby bonding to you.

Four month old babies are very social. They smile at everything and everybody. You are seeing them (Nanny and baby) enjoy each other. I am hoping that the time you spend with him is enjoyable to you. He will sense your joy and bond with you. She is not the consistent person in his life (for the long haul) and he will better differentiate people as he gets older.

The problem is not with his bonding to Nanny but rather your yearning to have more fun and quality time with him. This is common as mother's go back to work. The feeding from bottle is also common because bottle nipple is easier and switching back and forth is confusing to baby.

So what you describe is normal adaptation to mother returning to work. Be happy that he is in such good hands when you are gone and assured that you are doing the best you can.

I hope this helps,

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Is there any way I can reinforce the fun and joy with me? My baby fusses to feed (I have never understood why) and most o the time I am feeding him, he is sorta not too happy. But he is happy when he plays with me. His dad feels a lot more secure because as soon as he gets home my baby has a special smile for him and waves his hands around for him to be held. WIth me he seems to take me for granted. And the nanny does all the fun things with him. I am worried that he may take to her :(

Well, you are the one with the milk...and he knows this through his sense of smell. That is why he behaves this way with you right now. Continues to make sure that he has those happy play times with you as well....once his belly is full.

He might "take" to her but that is a good thing. Since he is with her so many hours per day, you want him to feel safe and seciure with her. But that does not mean he will "reject " you.
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