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Bonnie, Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 2189
Experience:  and pediatric nurse practitioner with 30 years of experience counseling parents.
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I just discovered that my son is smoking marijuana. Please

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I just discovered that my son is smoking marijuana. Please see my previous questions that you helped with with to see his history poor school work and non-motivation.

I haven't taken any steps yet with the drugs, haven't even told my wife. I am collecting information about how to handle it. I discovered from reading his computer that he was asking friends for grams, talking about getting bongs and things and finding someone to supply since the people he knows are "out." Through my reading I learned several other kids are involved in some manner whether smoking or selling. My son also mentioned not being able to sleep because he didn't have any pills. I only saw that once and have no idea what that could mean as he has no prescriptions.

My son is seeing a therapist once every other week. I plan to discuss this with him as well. Please advice with any steps you would take regarding (1) approaching my son (2) approaching parents of other kids involved

Thanks very much

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Customer: replied 3 years ago.

It may be because I requested a specific expert who may be out on vacation or something. I guess we can open it up to any expert in the category, but I do want to leave the question open, thanks.


Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX continue to look for a professional to assist you and your question is open to all professionals. Please let me know if I can be of any further assistance while you wait.

Hello again and thank you for asking for me. I was off line at the time of your posting. I reviewed our previous posts.

Well this is surely upsetting for you. I can sense your panic and am glad you are being reasonable about the course you take. This may explain his lack of motivation that we discussed before. I think that this is an experimental stage and, in the end, he will be okay but I know you cannot ignore this. Here's what I would recommend:

Let son know that you are concerned about his possible drug use and that you will be mentioning it to therapist. Do not tell him how you found out...make it more like a theory. This is a necessary step for 2 reasons: preserving his trust in you and keeping therapist out of the middle. When therapist brings it up to him, it won't be a complete surprise and he will not feel blind-sighted. Then, let therapist handle the intervention and ask therapist to let you know what your (and his mother's) role should be in the intervention.

The best way to keep son's trust is to avoid exposing him and his friends to others (school staff, mother)....letting his therapist know is enough. (Mother may need to know eventually). The role of the therapist is to help him to be safe (physically and legally), set his boundaries with his friends, talk with you and mother about it and find ways to help him help his friends.

I know that this is not easy but I hope these thoughts help some...
Bonnie, Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 2189
Experience: and pediatric nurse practitioner with 30 years of experience counseling parents.
Bonnie and 2 other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you

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