Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am sorry to know about this challenging situation. Children do use different behaviors, acting out and making tantrums as ways to manipulate parents and other people to get what they want. they do it because they are smart and, learning a lot and very fast, and also because they do feel the need to be the center of attention, pleased, supported, protected and loved.
Problems happen when these tendencies, instead of being educated and directed in healthy ways, get distorted leading not only to non fulfilling children but to very destructive behaviors.
Children, specially when young do need close and meaningful sharing, support and affection from both parents and significant others. Thus the first aspect to take into account is to assess how good are both parents meeting the basic emotional needs of this child, since it's from there that everything else about his development and growth evolve.
She is right about the need not to reinforce these behaviors by allowing tantrums - manipulation, but sh needs to set enough quality time to meet his psychoemotional needs for direct sharing, love, play and everything else a child needs from parents.
Many times children from parents who have full time jobs and do not have enough time to spend with children, present these behaviors, they want to get their attention, and find out that the most effective way to do so is by acting out.
How much time a day do parents spend playing with him, taking care of his needs, helping him learning new things, and sharing together as a family?
Ignoring tantrums could work as long as with it goes other strategies like first identifying the real problem leading the child to act out, acknowledging his feelings and meeting his real needs, which does not mean spoiling him but providing healthy parenting and promoting good attachment and intimacy.
She would talk to him as soon as he starts acting out, reminding him about things, what is acceptable and what is not, redirecting him towards a healthy alternative behavior-activity, listening what he has to say, taking the chance to teach him how to be wiser and healthier, then she would refocus n doing what she needs to do, without limiting the necessary daily time she needs to share with him for his healthy development.
balance between healthy discipline and affection is essential. he is challenging her, and she needs to use these situations to educate him about acceptable and healthy ways to express his feelings and to ask for support, affection and more.
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You're very welcome. yes, parenting as well as marriages as the most challenging human experiences in my opinion, and nobody train us for it, that'\s why we need to work on educating ourselves and looking for sound sources of support, including parenting classes and family counseling.
Good. Thank you for your trust.
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