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Dr. G.
Dr. G., Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1474
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota
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I want to get your advice to see if I should reach out to my

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I want to get your advice to see if I should reach out to my 2 year old son's father for Father's Day. He has not seen him since he was 4 months old, and that is only because he was looking for me to sign divorce papers.

I met my son's father, Earl through my Supervisor who set me up on a blind date. I met him for drinks on our first date, and then he said that he lives around the corner and asked me if I wanted to see his apartment. I said OK and he forced himself on me that night. That is how I got pregnant.

I never told my Supervisor about how he forced me to have sex with him. Then Earl told me that he was not an American citizen and was here illegally. Earl is Jamaican and kept asking me to marry him. He said that I would look horrible to people if I was a single mother and pregnant and people would look down on me because I got pregnant so fast after meeting him so we should get married. Believe me, I know that I was stupid--but I married him--I was so confused at the time.

Throughout my relationship with him, he kept asking me to pay his rent, cable bill, etc. I even had to pay for my own engagement ring and wedding ring. His landlord finally kicked him out of the apartment for being in rent arrears and he kept asking me to pay the back rent. I refused and he moved without telling me where he lived. At this point I was five months pregnant. After this, I blocked his telephone number so he wouldn't call me, but he would email me asking me if I was still going to help him become a citizen. I said, no I would not and he is angry at me for marrying him without helping him become a citizen. He said that because of me, I set back his plan of becoming an American citizen and he is upset with me.

I don't want to have anything to do with him, but I don't want to be selfish either. I want to do the right thing for my son. So, I wanted to ask if I should reach out to Earl for Father's Day and send him some pictures so he could start having a relationship with his son.
Tell me what good do you think will come out of your son having a relationship with his father?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

In a few years, my son will start to ask questions about his father when he starts going to school. I think my son will feel odd when kids talk about their father and he does not know his. My son is starting to call my father "Dad" and I correct him and say, no that is your "Grandpa". I think my son needs another man to teach him how to be a man and who understands what men go through in life. There are so many boys who grow up without a father and I don't want my son to resent me because of it.

I see your point and you have valid concerns. However, two things come to mind. First, you are assuming that the child will resent you, that he will feel odd, and that he won't understand what men go through in life. ALL of those reasons are not based on facts. You are just guessing this. Second, you want a man to teach your son how to be a man. Just out of curiosity, is his father a good role model for being a man. Everything you told me seems deplorable and not representative of how a man should be. In my opinion, he would not be a good role model for your son. My suggestion would be to find a man in your life right now who would be a good role model, doesn't matter if it is a cousin, uncle, neighbor, whatever, and let your son watch and learn from him. AND, you can be a role model for him. It doesn't have to be a man. You can teach him things a man can teach him. It happens all the time with single mothers.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

No, I definitely don't feel like he would be a good role model. I do have a lot of men who work full-time and are good role models around for my son and I will make sure that I have these men around my son. By the way, around what age should I explain about his son not being in his life?

As the questions come up.
Dr. G. and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX appreciate your time. This has been very helpful!

You are welcome. Good luck to you.

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