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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Psychologist; Parent
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Our 16 year old daughter just told us she is bi-sexual, does

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Our 16 year old daughter just told us she is bi-sexual, does not want to go to college, wants to be inn a screams band, is an atheist (we are a church going family) and would settle for being a bar tender.

We are a middle class family and have provided all we can for our children in the way of love support and nurturing.

She is an honor roll student with so much potential and we feel she it about to throw it all away. I have been ink tears all evening and have no wether to turn.

Hello. While I understand how this stresses you out at this point, there is nothing wrong with any of this at this phase in her life. The only thing that you need to be concerned about is that she graduates and has a good GPA. 16 is a tough age and she is learning about what she wants. She may not want any of these things next year or 5 years from now. Is she a good person? Does she have good morals? Would she ever harm another ? While you personally have your beliefs, she needs to be her own person. There is nothing wrong with being an Atheist. If she causes no harm to others and has love and compassion, she is choosing to let proof and science be her guide. While you may not believe this, it is a sign of a knowledgeable and intelligent person to question things. Music is also very important in a lot of people's lives. It is creative and again, studies show that people who have a love for music excel in life. It doesn't matter if you enjoy her music or not. I'm sure your parents didn't approve of your music selection when you were young either! :) The type of music one listens to is no baring on the type of person they are. I personally know PhDs who listen to the heaviest, most brutal metal there is and they make 6 figures and do a lot of good in this world. You can't judge someone based on that factor.
If she has all of those good factors I mentioned as far as being a good person, never hurting anyone, being compassionate and loving, the need to question things, has good grades, etc. then you have done an amazing job as a parent and you should be very very proud of her. You did a great job. She is not going to be you. She is not going to like the same things as you do. By supporting her 100%, she will always see that and know that you respect her and therefore she will respect you. Your relationship will be much better in the future if you focus on the good parts of her. What you can do is talk to her about the job market and making money and being responsible as an adult. These are things she will figure out on her own as she gets older, but you can emphasize the importance of education in any way you can. Education IS very important if not, THE most important thing that one can seek.
GUIDE her, talk with her, but do not fight with her or cause her to rebel any more. I'm sure some of it is just because it is the opposite of what you want. It's just how teenagers are. If you are more supportive and less upset, she is not getting the reaction she wants and she won't make as big of a deal out of it either.
So try to look at your successes as a parent because if she has a good GPA and has all of that potential, then you have done a much better job than a lot of parents out there and you need to be very proud of her. She is expressing herself as an individual and there is nothing wrong with that as long as she is happy and not hurting anyone in the process. In 2-3 years, she may be a completely different person. 16 is too young to throw in the towel and think her future is set. She will grow up more and see things differently every day. Hang in there. It will be just fine.
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