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RealSupport
RealSupport, Family Counselor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 3191
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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I need some help making a school related decision for my children.

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I need some help making a school related decision for my children. My daughter is in 7th grade in a public school. Her grades have dropped down to C's and D's from A's and B's. We have talked to her about sending her to a private school if she doesn't get her grades up and she says that she is trying, but she never brings home any homework or anything to study for tests. As of now, her grades still have not improved. The school she attends has a terrible discipline policy and the teachers all have an "I don't care" attitude. In my opinion, if you're not a child who wants to succeed, you're not going to succeed in that school. She doesn't have many friends, and actually tries to irritate other students just for "fun". The only thing that has prevented me from sending her to the private school in the past is the band, even though she doesn't even have many close friends in the band. She is in the marching band in her current middle school and she loves it, and the private school she will go to does not have a band. I now feel like her academics are much more important that keeping her in the band. I really need some help with this issue. I also have a 9 year old son and have been trying to decide whether to send him to the same private school. At this time he is doing wonderful in school. He has numerous friends from not only his school, but other public schools in the area. They are two completely different people and I don't believe that what is the right thing to do for one child is necessarily the right thing to do for the other. I believe that my son will thrive in any environment, but am also concerned about the terrible public schools in our area. Please help!!!!

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am sorry to know about this frustrating and concerning situation.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Could you please tell me how old is your daughter and what happened for her to radically change from getting A's and B's to C' s and D's?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Also you said that you have been threatening to send her to a private school for the past several years, then what have been the other core issues going on for these several years?

Customer:

She is 12 years old and her attitude has changed quite a bit in the last year or so. I know a lot of it is her age, but there is no structure, discipline, etc. at the school she is currently attending. All she wants to do is text and stay on the computer all day long. We have limited her phone and computer time to one day a week and she is a much more pleasant person to be around, but she just enjoys annoying people and showing off.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Thank you for replying

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

This is very serious. First the school staff should take full responsibility for the quality of education they provide, from discipline to academics. you are totally right about the obvious need to seriously consider changing schools, once you have found no accountability in the current one.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

On the other hand, f or a child her age to have been habituated to to use the computer and mobile phone "all day long" is totally unacceptable. Happily you have already limited the use of such devices to one day a week, that sounds very necessary and assertive, but would be useless if you do not keep it consistently in that way.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It is not healthy for a child her age to enjoy doing the wrong things, this is why my suggestion is for you to continue to improve discipline at home at every level, offering healthy and assertive affection and support, without spoiling her nor facilitating the misuse of PC and mobile phone. Your child needs to learn to be more responsible, caring, empathetic, assertive and to learn from her mistakes. She cannot learn nor develop these skills spontaneously, she needs you and your spouse to work on that, while school staff do the same. I suggest a change to a good school as soon as possible, once the deficiencies you reported are serious enough to justify such actions.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Your son could continue there, since as you said, he has shown good learning, socialization and no serious problematic behaviors.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Doe sit make sense?

Customer:

Thank you for your response. I appreciate the advice of an outsider who does not know me or my family personally. Thank you!

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're very welcome.

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