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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 2816
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Certified Coach Mom of Twins.
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I have legal custody of my 16 year old daughter. I have been

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I have legal custody of my 16 year old daughter. I have been encouraging her to get a job but she always seems to have an excuse. I found out yesterday, she was just hired on the other side of town near her moms house. She told me she wants to live with her mother next school year and since she got a job by her, then she can go to the high school of her choice. Obviously, I don't appreciate my daughter going behind my back (along with her mother as she was the one taking her around looking for a job near her). I certainly would have been open to discuss her options for next year, but I am a believer that nothing good will come out of a decision built on deceit and sneakiness. My predicatment is what I should do now.. 1. let it go as it is what it is; or 2. Call Subway today and inform them that I am the custodial parent and I do not give my consent for my daughter to work there. I know this will cause a major breakdown in our relationship, but I want her to learn the importance of communication and and going behind my back will never work.
The mother is not well in that she is very manipulative and has tried for quite some time to get my daughter to live with her. I don't like how she went about doing it. Any advice? Thank you.
Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families.

I am happy you have reached out. I can hear that this brings up a lot of feelings for you. I believe that sneakiness isn't a great thing but it may in this case be more of an indicator that she was having trouble telling you her desire to be with her mother knowing you may not like it or agree to it. I am happy to hear that she has gotten a job and I suggest that you let her take the job. I would sit down and speak with her about your feelings in a calm and loving way. Let her know you want to support her desires and that it is important that she be open with you...the more open she is about her feelings the more you can support them rather than feel left out and feeling as if she is doing something sneaky and going behind your back.

I do understand your feelings, but I don't believe that cutting her off from this job will bring about anything good. I think she can hear your lesson if presented calmly and lovingly to her.

How does this sound and feel to you?
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