One more idea I'd like to share with you is a program we use in the Child Development Center that I direct, called "1-2-3 Magic". Here is a recent article from their newsletter, and a link to their page: http://www.123magic.com/
The two biggest mistakes parents and teachers make in dealing with children
are: Too Much Talking and Too Much Emotion. Talking is bad because it either
doesn't work or takes you through the Talk‐ Persuade‐Argue‐Yell‐Hit
Why is too much emotion destructive? When they are little, kids feel inferior
because they ARE inferior. Sure, they can be cute and lovable, but they are also
smaller, less privileged, less intelligent, less skillful, less responsible and
less of just about everything than their parents and the older kids. And this
"lessness" bugs them a lot! They don't like it. They do like to feel they are
powerful and capable of making some mark on the world.
Have you ever seen a small child go down to a lake and throw rocks in the
water? Children can do that for hours, partly because the big splashes are a
sign of their impact. They are making things happen.
Upset is the "Big Splash"
If you have a child who is doing
something you don't like, get real upset about it on a regular basis and, sure
enough she'll repeat it for you.
What does rock tossing have to do with what happens at home? If your small
child can get big old you all upset, your upset is the big splash for him. It's
not that he has no conscience and is going to grow up to be a criminal. It's
just that having all that power temporarily rewards-or feels good to-the
inferior part of the child. Parents who say, "It drives me absolutely crazy when
she eats her dinner with her fingers. Why does she do that?" may have already
answered their own question. She may do that at least partly BECAUSE IT DRIVES
There are certainly other discipline systems other than 1‐2‐3 Magic, but you
can ruin any of them by talking too much and getting too excited. These two
mistakes, of course, usually go hand in hand, and the emotion is usually
Some parents can turn off the talking and the emotional upset like a faucet,
and others have to work like dogs to get the job done. Even then, they often
have to remind themselves over and over that talking and arguing and yelling and
screaming don't really help. These tactics merely blow off steam for a few
seconds. If parents find that they can't shake these habits, some sort of
outpatient counseling or psychotherapy is indicated.
Hope this helps!!!
Take your time reading again!