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Bonnie, Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 2189
Experience:  and pediatric nurse practitioner with 30 years of experience counseling parents.
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Hi, I am a very loving, very hands on, latin style mother with

Resolved Question:

Hi, I am a very loving, very hands on, latin style mother with two exceptional boys. One is 16 and one is 9. My teenager is the school's head boy, straight A student, has been a prefect before being the head boy, super popular, teachers tell me he is so polite and lovely child... He doesn't go out with his friends because he says it is a waste of time, they talk non-sense, they smoke, some drink and he finds it a waste of time. He isn't even interested in girls. He is very sweet and loving and does everything I tell him without questioning. I have worked from home for the last 16 years so I have always been with the boys. Treated them like the world revolved around them. The 9 year old is highly intelligent, emotionally immature, also very obedient, calm, and they are both kissing and hugging on me all the time, as I am with them. I tell them I love them at least 5 times per day. My husband is a different culture, he is British and he has never seen anything like it. I don't let my teenager go out late at night, would never accept any back talk from the boys to me or their father, have raised them to believe they need to be grateful for what they have and to their parents. My teenager has been accepted to a top six form college and my little one is in the gifted program at school... sounds too much huh? lol... Well, my in laws, they are British and they tell me that my boys are momma's boy and I need to let them lose and it is OK to let my teenage go out and party and drink a bit if he wants. This scandalizes me! IF they spend the night at their grandparents, they will always call me to say good night and that they love me and their father. I am waiting for the second shoe to drop with my teenager but... I have been waiting for a couple of years now. His ambition now is to go to Oxford and to go to medical school. He (my teen) didn't even want to go on holiday because he wanted to go to school during easter to make sure he will have all A's on his exams!! To me, it sounds like have done an amazing job... to my in laws, I have created momma's boys! I feel uncomfortable around them. And I have questioned things a little bit.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Bonnie replied 3 years ago.
Hello and thanks for being a loyal JA customer,

First of all, the kind of connection you have with the boys cannot have anything bad associated with it. Research has shown that maternal nurturing and responsiveness has been associated with stable mental health. A hovering parent can sometimes create anxiety and dependence in children. You are not describing these characteristics in your children. Some children have a drive and motivation to succeed. This is only a negative characteristic if there is a perfectionistic anxiety about it with stomach aches and headaches. People who have this drive to succeed can become workaholics and do need to be taught to have fun. SO this is something to watch for. But overall, they are appear to be mentally healthy and not overdependent (my definition of momma's boy).

I hope this helps to reassure you.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
:) thanks! No, they are not dependent at all. My teen comes and goes on his own, on the bus, train, etc. He can cook his own meals (within reason lol) I do not hover around them at all lol... I just try to be there for them when they need me and meet their needs. My little one is a bit babiesh but I cut him some slack as he is still young. Thanks again
Expert:  Bonnie replied 3 years ago.
That is an ideal mother....who stands ready to help if needed...but does not hover. What a wonderful feeling for your boys to know they can count on you. Not every mother has this characteristic and what a shame.

I wish you all the best
Bonnie and 2 other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

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