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Bonnie, Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 2189
Experience:  and pediatric nurse practitioner with 30 years of experience counseling parents.
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My son just had a bit of an emotional episode about my fiance

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My son just had a bit of an emotional episode about my fiance and I having sex. I have to admit I was totally side swiped by it and didn't really know what to say. It seems like when we thought he was asleep he actually wasn't. He will be turning 13 in a few months. I feel terrible about this and I'm really afraid I won't know how to talk to him about this. During our talk I tried to stay as calm as possible on the outside while I was freaking out on the inside!! I tried to make him feel as comfortable as I could about the topic and told him it was nothing to be embarrassed about. How do I talk to him about this?!?! HELP!!! I apologised for putting him in this uncomfortable situation and told him it wouldn't happen again. I feel just horrible about it.
Hello and thank you for consulting JA,

This scenario is more common than you might think. Don't beat yourself up about it. Sometimes viewing parents making love can be scary because it appears that someone is being hurt. Even if he understands the "facts of life", he has no idea about the intensity of the love making act and he may need reassurance that you are okay.

You did everything stayed calm, reassured him, and apologized. There is nothing else to do unless he has questions. You can let him know that if he wants to talk more you are willing. Then just respond to his questions with simple information without detail unless he asks for more detail. If there is any residual thoughts or behavior (in few weeks from now), you might elicit the help of a male counselor for a few sessions to discuss the issue directly.

Again, it is unfortunate but it happens and being as matter of fact about it will help son to move on from thoughts of it. Give him the attitude that this is what happens in a loving relationship. Normalize and make it a good thing...not a "dirty thing". A natural part of adult life.

I hope this helps
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